broken printer grrr

Why now??
It's quite frustrating, because I was planning on printing something out so that I could make some notes on it, work on it... but no. I can't print anything at all, it just refuses to feed the paper through. It thinks it is, but it's not. It's printing onto itself, not paper.
It's just over two years old, and has been worked really hard over those two years, printing many hundreds of photos, endless pages of assignments and novels. So it has done well, I just wish it could have held in there for a little longer.
The good news is that Simon said we can get a new one anytime, a better one ooooooo *giggles gleefully* How grand.

March is nearly here!

And it is going to have to be a big one - I signed up for NaNoEdMo a couple days ago which requires 50 hours of editing on your novel. It's a pretty big number, but I am well aware that I really need to get to work and get this done and am hoping that this will help to spur me on in a mad dash towards completion come the end of March.
Aside from this, I also, much earlier, had signed up for the March Fantasy Madness challenge over at Kiwiwriters. And I want to do that as well - we'll see how this pans out. My original plan was to have all my editing done by now, but the reality is that the wedding, pre and post, took up a lot more of my time and resoures than I ever imagined that it would. I've been quite sick, tired, trying to re-energize, but finding it hard to focus in on what needs to be done with the writing side of my life.
The editing was meant to be done. I was going to do that 10k in the first two weeks of March to kick start me back into the WIP, and all was going to be well, I was hoping to have the first draft finished by the end of March so that I could get into Script Frenzy come April.
It would have to be a hugely productive month in order for both the editing of one novel and the first draft of another to be complete.
So we'll see how it goes... lol, there is very little else going on in my life right now so it should be fine. But then, it's easy to say that now, and very easy for things to come up which get in the way - must focus, must try my best, and get myself back on track. If it comes to it I will once again flag Script Frenzy, though I was sad to miss out on it last year and feel ready to write the script that I have been wanting to since I did a paper on script writing, I wasn't brave enough to make it an assignment though because I wasn't sure I could pull it off well enough to get a good grade. It needs to be written though, if not this year, then next I guess.

Revision.

One thing which I have always remembered from one of the writing papers I did through my degree was a tutor who considered that the story you write the first time should never be the same as the final version of it - while I never really agreed with him on that (and cringed hugely at the requirement that the final version of the story we submitted for our final assignment be at least 60% different from the original) I can see now that there is some merit in the idea.
I don't necessarily think that the story has to be different, but I do think I am coming around to the idea that you need to think harder, push your story more, try different things out for size before you can really settle on how it will be in the end.
Revision he would say, was a re envisioning of the story - and I know he would have been happier if the original and the final product barely resembled each other at all, I know for a fact that those whose stories were so incredibly radically different from the originals got better marks than those whose stories did not change much at all.
Mostly this has arisen in relation to the novel that I am currently editing - after reading The Complete Guide to Editing Your Fiction by Michael Seidman, who has similar thoughts on making sure you really explore the ideas you have and try different things out to see what works best. I decided that my story was not 'enough'. For want of a better way to describe it. It's a good story - I know that because a lot of people have told me. I have a friend who has read it like three times now and claims she loves it, and thats wonderful. But I have decided that I want to make it the best story that I can, and in order to do that, I need to push it further. It needs to be 'more'.
The fear now is will I make it too much? Will it grow too out there, too over the top? When will I know that it's just right? I can't know until I try though, can I.
Originally I was worried about it not really fitting into a particular category, I think I was worried that 'Urban fantasy' just wouldn't cut it. But that's what it is, and I have decided not to try and force it into being something other than that. I could, but I don't think that would make it a better story, I think it would make it worse - thats pretty much how I felt when I did my final assignment for that tutor, who I loathed in so many ways, it was a creative writing paper, not a literature writing paper and he really went nuts on me over the story I wrote that was a 'genre piece', it's a good story, I liked it. I rewrote the other story instead, because I wasn't so fond of it, I rewrote it exactly how I knew he would want me to. And I got a good grade, and felt disgusted with myself.
I guess sometimes you have to write for a certain market in order to get the payoff, and as long as you LIKE the market then thats fantastic. For now I'm not going to force myself to write something I don't think I will enjoy simply to make it more marketable though. I'll write the stories/novels I want to, and see where it takes me. I am sure I will experiment with different genres and styles, and eventually there will be something that works for me. I am sure of it.

Horray for photos!

So, I scanned in some of the pics I got yesterday.... so keen to share am I!
They aren't very high quality but they will certainly do for now. Prepare yourselves for a slideshow, and after this... I will try and stop talking about the wedding!

photos

Once I scan some in I will put a couple more up, we got some absolutely stunning pics from my friend Tamara today, who works for our photographer and tagged along taking plenty of her own - they are so good!!! I can't imagine how his are going to be better but she is sure they are lol.
I can't think about anything else right now, despite the fact that I have this big post in my head from pre photo time today about my editing situation. That post will have to wait until tomorrow. Tonight, my head is reliving the wedding and glorying at how amazing these photos are!

whats that word again? derailed? distracted? off target?

So, almost a week after the wedding and I feel like I have done nothing since - I can call it recovery time, I can call it slacking off, I could make many excuses - but the reality is that I just have not done a thing. The house work is getting done, the little one is being looked after and amused, I started reading a book on editing, but that is about it.
And I feel a little disappointed in myself, because I was sure that I was going to be getting back into things straight after the wedding and it just hasn't eventuated, and I have nothing/no-one to blame but myself.
And what am I going to do about it??
I'm not sure.
I feel a little lost I think, I'm lacking a little direction, unsure of where exactly I want my life to go from here - I mean, I have a list of goals and I could work my way down them and that would be all very well. But I feel like right now is a good time to reassess things, and set myself on a course of action I will truly be happy with.
Parts of me are toying with working on a couple short ideas, polishing short stories, submitting, hoping to get something, anything published and I realize that is the part of me that wants a little instant gratification, a quick fix to me feeling like my writing is going somewhere. On the other hand I really want to finish rewrites and editing on the first novel so that I can get that out into the world. But right now I am feeling a little conflict over that as well.
I could take it in so many directions. I could increase the NZ content and boost it's chances of selling within NZ, or I could boost the 'romance' side of it and submit to any number of places which publish romance. There are other directions I could go with it, and I just can't say right now which one is the right path for the book. I don't know who I could possibly ask who could give me the right kind of advice on it either.
I think what I really need to do is sit down and thoroughly explore what it is I want from my writing - why am I doing this? What are my goals within writing? Do I want to sell books, or write the books that I want to? are they part of the same goal?
And in the meantime - how on earth am I going to make some money?? Writing is not one of those careers you can hedge your bets on, it's never guaranteed that you'll make anything from it. So while I am sitting around, waiting to get pregnant and become a mother for the second and first time, what do I do??
It's complicated. The fact of the matter is that it's next to impossible to get extra hours of childcare, I have 18 set hours and trying to find a job which works within that schedule is impossible. Not only that, but the jobs that I have applied for, which would have been wonderful, seem to think that I'm not worth employing, or maybe that they couldn't pay me enough or that I would take off at the next best offer due to the fact they aren't highly skilled jobs and yet I am, in several areas, highly skilled, well educated, really, who takes a uni graduate with a double major seriously when they are applying to be a check out chick, or work behind the counter in a retail store? So do I work nights and miss out on quality time with my man? Do I work weekends and miss out on the only time we really have together as a family? What is more important, making some extra money (feeling like I am bringing some financial benefit into the family), or ensuring that our little unit is as solid as it can be? Do I lie my omission about my quals? I just don't know, I really don't. Maybe I should become an Avon lady.
All I can do is hope that a solution presents itself in the near future. Something is bound to come my way right?
The path of my novel has got to become clear soon as well. And I shall try and avoid distraction, get back to work on the big projects, and work on the small ones in my downtime. Number one priority is getting this edit complete so that I can get it out in the world and get back to working on the WIP. There is a massive list of things that need writing/rewriting/editing/submitting this year, and I need to get on top of it.
if only I knew for sure which way to take this novel....

vows

I almost forgot that I said I would post them here, lol:

Simon, I knew from the moment you first slipped your hand into mine that you were the one I wanted to spend my life with. You are my sun, my moon, my other half – my one.
I promise to encourage and inspire you, to laugh with you, and to be your comfort when you need it.I will ease your pain and worries, and rejoice in your successes. I will hold safe the love and trust you place in me. And as a symbol of my commitment to you, I give you this ring with all that I am and all that I will be.

updates

If anyone had told me that it would take me til Wednesday to feel 'recovered' from the wedding, I would have laughed at them. No way!! But that is pretty much how it feels.
Friday we went down to set up the venue, it looked awesome, the girls put in a lot of hours helping us get it right. It was actually a lot of fun for the most part though I was pretty tired by the time I left the squash club at 3.30. Then it was off to get my nails done, and then pick Ivy up from daycare, back home to meet and greet Simon's sister and her family, then out to see his parents at their hotel, back home for dinner and getting the kids to bed. Then to Dad's to catch up with all the aussie/out of town people, and then over to Mum's to make sure she hadn't messed up the sleeves on the guys shirts. And then home again, to try and sort the music play lists out - and then of course the kids woke up throughout the night several times, so it wasn't much of a sleep when I did finally get to bed.
I woke up just after 7, normal time, and we had a few hours to kill until we had to start getting ready, so I fiddled with the play lists again, did the dishes (stuffing my nails up, good work! lol only the non ring finger hand so it wasn't too bad, forgot I had them done!), popped up to the shop and cooked bacon and eggs for breakfast. About 10 his family went out for awhile, and we got Ivy sorted for a nap.
I headed out at 11 to pick up the flowers and then grab some food for while we were getting ready, and arrived out at our hotel unit just before 12. The hairdresser and make up woman were early as well, so it was just as well I was! My BM, brother and their little one showed up shortly after that and things got kicked off. Hair in curlers, everyone busy.
Mum arrived with the dresses about the same time that Leisha and Auburne made it out there with Ivy - who was horrified by the things which appeared to be trying to eat my head. She wasn't too keen on all the people floating around me either and made that hugely clear. Leisha and Aubs did an awesome job of distracting her though and we managed to get through the preparation fairly painlessly, she was a lot more happy when it was her turn to get her hair done and she could have some cuddles with me.
The boys arrived just after that, along with my Dad and stepmum, Nana, and Uncle who was doing a little bit of videoing. The photographer as well, and it was all on. I got my dress on (and then ended up having to carry Ivy down two flights of stairs in my wedding dress) and we got into some group photos.
They were done so quickly and then it was out the door and onto the rest of the photos!
Jase had a hard time getting my car started, lol every time we had to get moving again I'd have to lean across and get the key turned for him, it was quite funny really! Ivy was really well behaved the whole time and I am sure we are going to get some lovely photos. We went down to east end first and had some beneath the bridge there, and in the sand, and then went to the foreshore - I think most people who get married in NP have some foreshore photos! there are some lovely spaces there for taking pics, I can't wait to see them all.
Anyways, time flew by, and I was getting quite tired of smiling, and hungry too! because of course I forgot to eat a lot while we were getting ready. 4.30 rolled around and we made it to my brothers place just after that, only to find that the MP3 player which had all the dinner and ceremony music on it was suddenly not working despite the fact I had fully charged it the night before.... all good, I decided not to stress about it and told Sam to pick something for me to walk into, and just put some easy listening music onto it for playing during dinner. So the boys headed off, at 445 - remember the ceremony was meant to be 5pm - they had to pick the best mans wife up on the way and I was keen to leave myself. So we gave them 5 minutes, and then piled into the cars. Mine was awesome, man, it was so sweet driving down to the wedding in that baby. Beautiful lime green/almost yellow 1936 Chevy Coupe. Hot!!! We followed my Dad down, who had Paula-Lee and Ivy with him, though we paused for a couple minutes a km down the road to make sure that everyone else made it there before we did. I was excited then, not nervous at all like I expected to be, I was actually getting married, in mere moments!!
Everyone was milling around down there, of course they could hear us coming before they saw us, so they were poised with what felt like a million cameras waiting. Never felt more like a star than then, as they flashed away, I climbed out of the car and refused to walk down to the break in the fence, simply stepping over it instead, gave the crowd a bit of a giggle! They all moved into place and I could hear OpShops 'no ordinary thing' wafting through the air, it was perfect, they couldn't have picked a better song!
The ceremony was really nice, though, I have to confess there were bits I didn't listen to, I rewrote the thing, I knew what was in there! So I shared smiles with Simon, made sure Ivy was ok, and passed on smiles to those who caught my gaze in the crowd. Soon enough it was time for the vows. And the moment I'll never forget!!
Jason pulls out the box with the rings in it, and the necklace that we were giving to Ivy is so tightly tangled around my ring that it takes them 5 minutes to get it undone. I laughed so hard, lol triumphantly pulled Simon's ring from the box and held it aloft. It was soooooo funny, lol though i think Jason felt like it was his fault, I hadn't even thought about the fact they might tangle when I had given it to him!! hehe. Will be a good story for years to come. Anyways, they finally got it free, and Simon said his vows, which were so perfect, I don't know why I had worried about how they might turn out. He slipped my ring onto my finger, and it felt so good. That was the first time I cried. The second time was when I said my vows, declaring to the world that this was the man for me. Simon shed a tear as well, and then we were husband and wife!!!
It was quite short, but so perfect. So good for us. The sea behind us gave a beautiful ever changing backdrop for it, sometimes light, sometimes dark. Calm and turbulent - a good metaphor for life really.
We did the group photos after signing the register, I made sure to hug everyone and thank them for coming, then we had a couple more photos of just Simon and I before heading back to the squash club for dinner.
We spent about 10 minutes sitting around inside one of the rooms out of sight, waiting for my mothers side of the family to show up, when it was just after 630 though I made an executive decision to just go in!! I have no idea what song we walked into, I doubt that anyone else could tell you now - and I wonder just why I spent so much time thinking about those things, when it came down to it, the music barely mattered at all. So we sat, and the speeches began, I think I cried a little during each. My Dad said all the things I have waited so long to hear, my mother in law confirmed my place in her family, my Mum put everyone at ease and made them feel so very welcome, and Jason did a fantastic job on his speech as well, I can't forget to mention my brother who was a fantastic MC, really easy going and laid back - he was even told he was better than our Dad heh. Simon and I did brief speeches, which both went really well, I think by the time it got to us neither one of us felt nervous about it anymore, and we hadn't prepared anything so we just said what came to mind.
Dinner was awesome, SO much food, all so tasty. Spit roast is always so good, and this was no exception, everyone loved the mix of relaxing atmosphere while still a sense of formality. It was beautiful overlooking the sea, and all I can really say was that it was an amazing night. Everyone had a great time, people mingled and mixed beautifully, there were no dramas. The cake was a massive hit, most people seem to love carrot cake and my Mum and stepdad had done a phenomenal job on it.
I am just so blessed, to have so many wonderful people in my life, so many people pitched in to help with such a range of things before the wedding, and then throughout the day of the wedding as well. It was definitely a group effort, and according to the woman at the club one of the most organised ones she has ever seen happen down there, which was nice to hear.
We left the reception around 1130, only a few of my close friends stayed on, enjoying the music and the wine. We chilled out for a good long while before getting some sleep, and we both agree that it could not have been better.

And now for some pics!

Today's the day!

Everything went exceptionally well with the set up yesterday, by the end of the day I was so exhausted though!! slept ok... up early, I think everything is as organized as it can be. And I'm getting married!!

3 days to go

It's actually feeling a lot closer now.
I wrote my vows yesterday and that feels good (I'll post them after the wedding, lol don't want every man and his dog to know what I'm going to say before then), I rewrote the ceremony so that it's more us, which also feels good.
There is a small list of things which is yet to be done, yet to be organized, but I for some reason cannot seem to feel stressed about them - things will turn out how they do, and we'll just move along with the day regardless of whether things are happening the way they were intended to or not.
So, the last piece of wedding writing yet to be done is the speech. I dreamed about it last night, and that usually means I need to get onto it (the night before I wrote my vows I dreamed that the wedding happened and there were none at all, and I thought maybe I had just forgotten they happened but my dream Simon assured me that no, there were none), I love how my dreams prompt me to do the things I should.
I also made the dinner play list, and so it's just the dancing left to do and I'm hoping to accomplish that today! As well as: get my lashes tinted, book in to get nails done friday afternoon, do some cleaning around the house, edit another chapter, start writing my speech, mow the lawns, call the council re: getting the gate opened at the place we're getting married, drop in and see the celebrant, pay her, give her revised ceremony, take best man to mums for his shirt fitting.... yeah I think that's about it for the day :-)
Oh and I posted a new challenge on kiwiwriters!! haha I don't do that often, it may actually be my first. I have this real desire to write something a little horrific, and fun, and Urban Legends are perfect for that.

Saturday - one week to go

It's been an interesting week. Every day I think about writing in here, and yet, this week, it's been something that has not happened at all. I don't want to say much more about the big issues, but just that it has been an interesting week.
We had Ivy's 3rd birthday party on Wednesday which went really well, she is such a big girl now, growing up so fast.

I'm glad I pulled it off, lol at least I now know that I can do a kids party!!
Been getting back into the editing as well and that has been good, almost finished with the first chapter that has really needed a lot of work. Changing the story slightly, adding plenty of things in, it's exciting!!!

please don't read if you want to avoid girly excitement

I'M GETTING MARRIED! I'M GETTING MARRIED, I'M GETTING MARRIED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Woohoooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!

Bah

I keep meaning to post, and then I don't... that's just me being slack and I feel like there is a lot of that going on lately.
I know it's not entirely true, but, it just feels that way.
Things are good! Wedding is under control, yay. We're having Ivy's birthday party tomorrow (instead of her actual B'day, the 7th), so am getting the house ready for that, and baking etc... fun things hehe. The novel is slowly being edited... by slowly, I really do mean slowly. At this rate I will be lucky to have half of it done by the time the wedding rolls around. I would have loved to have finished it off before then but am realizing that I just can't work my ass off like I normally would. I have a very big day coming up next weekend, or rather 3 big days with all the family being around and there being tonnes of expectations on me - I need to feel rested, and relaxed, which means letting some other things slide for now, and I'm ok with that.
Two nights ago my computer crashed and I lost all my bookmarks, which is a sad thing. I am sure there is some way to restore them, but I haven't looked for it - while I am gutted to lose them all, I know it needed to be chopped back some. Anything that was on there that was useful I will find again, or I will find something better. There were like 5 sites that I visited several times a day and of course I remember those! lol so it's just the more random ones.... ah well.