where did January go?

It was devoured by the Novella and wedding plans, that is where it went.
Feels so weird to think that tomorrow is the first day of Feb, bringing us to two weeks before the wedding gets into motion. Two weeks from tomorrow we'll be setting up the venue, and welcoming guests in from out of town, finalizing all the details and we'll be almost ready for the wedding.
I have been so very stressed about it before now, until today anyways. Stressed to the point where it was taking me longer than an hour to get to sleep at night, so usually I wasn't asleep until after midnight. And you just can't function when you are over thinking that bad, stressed to the point where you are unable to make any movement.
I finally got a good nights sleep though, makes a world of difference. And then today the good things started happening. My cousin Tracey called me from Australia and told me she'd bought me a gift voucher at the mineral pools for a half hour private spa for me and then a one hour massage. It's just the sweetest thing she could do, I will so need it before the wedding lol, so it will probably be next week. And then my Dad rang to tell me that my uncle Greg from Australia had offered to video the wedding for us and edit it all up onto a DVD. How cool is that? there is no way we could have afforded to pay someone to do it, so it's an awesome gift for them to give.
So yes, feeling very blessed, and back in the wedding mood.

Thursday

Ya know, I was sure I posted last night.... but apparently I didn't, I just thought about it.
I managed to get through three chapters of editing yesterday, albeit one chapter was very small, and another didn't need a lot of work done to it. I have no idea if I am doing it write, but I definitely feel like the story is getting better as I go.
I was hoping to get through another one today, and then another couple tomorrow but I am so tired - so I just don't know. I should probably have a coffee.
I've been gluing beads onto wires, making ends, it's slow work, and sticky... but they look good. Wine glass ring tag things... you know what I'm talking about I'm sure. Instead of name cards where people are going to sit there will be name tags on wine rings. 10 down.... just under 70 to go...
I looked up at the calendar before and realized that tomorrow, it's only 3 weeks til the fiasco begins. Friday we'll be setting up the reception venue and finalizing things, getting nails done, getting bags ready and hopefully not freaking out too much about everything.
It made me freak out when i realized it was only three weeks though. O M G. As well prepared and organized as I am, I can try and calm myself down by reminding me that I have pretty much everything covered, there is a list of things still to be done but thats ok, it's a list of things that couldn't, shouldn't, no not have to be done/looked at/finalized more than a couple of weeks out anyways... so yeah. We'll be good, it will be great, any minute now Cassie, you can stop freaking out...
I think I'm going to go and make that coffee.

Oh, I read the Novella last night, and I enjoyed it!!! So nice to feel that way about something, even so soon after writing it. I think novella's are good in some ways, you don't really have time to get bored of them or sick of them before they are done, so there is less angst involved in rereading it. Less time to forget what happened at the start, so it's a bit smoother in general. I think I will write more. When I have ideas that fit that length. There appears to be places that buy novellas (SF/F/Horror ones anyways), even if its not for much.

Ok, Coffee.

Tuesday

Yeah, feeling un-imaginative on the title front again...
I can hardly believe it's tuesday already, time seems to be going by pretty fast at the moment and I really don't feel like I am getting anything done.
No editing this week (well, I started a little tonight but I haven't made much progress, I don't think it counts). No new writing done this week. No reading done this week - feeling a bit bad about all of that but I was feeling quite off Sunday/Monday and have only just started to come right today, and even then, it was a little touch and go.
Browsing through the junk mail made me motivated - I saw some laptops, I so want a new laptop. SO tomorrow, come rain or shine, I am going to be here sitting at my crusty old laptop editing. I'm looking forward to it.
My Monday afternoon was filled with appointments. I had my eyes checked and got new contacts, I went and exercised, and I met with the florist who is doing all the flowers for the wedding. Everything seems to be under control there, she seems so confident with what she has planned that even though I wasn't sure about what I wanted I couldn't help but believe she will do a wonderful job on it. I sometimes wish I had a better idea about what I wanted, it would help. I'm about 80% sure I'll be happy with what she is going to do. She knows better than I, she is the professional and I am choosing to have some faith there.
I think all the wedding stuff is coming together. I started making the beaded sandals for myself and the girls, well, I have done Ivy's pair, so now just to do Paula-Lee's and my own. I made my earrings, I have drawn up a couple of designs for necklaces, one of which is almost completed, and the other which I'll have a play around with tomorrow. I think I'll end up making 3 or 4, and then getting some opinions about which will work best. It's hard though, tying everything in, have never made a complete set of jewelry before so it's an interesting process for me. While I want it to be a little bit different, I still want it to tie in with the wedding dress and not look out of place - less is probably more in this situation so the beads I'm using are very subtle. Will probably throw a bracelet together tomorrow, though I may or may not wear it yet.
I made a flower pendant out of paua shell which someone can wear, probably Ivy, not sure yet... lol wait til closer to the day, still have to find something to hang it from though I am sure I'll figure it out soon enough.
Someone told me I was being silly trying to make the jewelry, but its a fun process, another creative outlet I guess and because it's time consuming and quite focused work threading beads onto various kinds of threads it kind of numbs the mind and puts you into a zone where you don't actually have to think about anything and right about now thats a nice thing to be able to do. An hour here and my mind blanks out on wedding stuff is a blessing!
Nothing else new really, just ticking along. 25 days til the wedding now.... 16 days til Ivy's birthday. Must get into planning that as well!!
Oh I have made arrangements to have some different photos done a couple weeks after the wedding, a la Trash the Dress style. I think it'll be a blast! I have a couple good friends who take beautiful photos, and once I have them I can manipulate them to my hearts content. More fun things to play with and keep me occupied once this wedding is gone and I don't have anything to plan/stress about - well, other than editing and submitting my first novel!!!

hmm..

So, I didn't get any editing done yesterday..... it was a day full of other things, so there was no time... literally, none. I got a lot of things done in the morning, then after my lash tint (go-go-wedding-prep) I got a call from some friends who we play World of Warcraft with, they were in town (from Australia), so we had some lunch and they came back to our place and we watched DVD's, and talked, and ate, and drank... was a really enjoyable night and it's so nice to know that some people are just exactly who they seem to be, and as easy company offline as they are online. I think they left just before midnight... and were driving two hours back to where they were staying, probably a lot later than they had intended! Oh well, I guess that happens sometimes. Hopefully they had a nice enough evening, probably won't find out until they get back to Australia and we see them in game lol.
So no, there was no time for editing.
Technically that doesn't put me behind my original plans, seeing as I was just to have the note making/chapter breaking part of the business done by the end of yesterday and that is completed. So if I find some time over the weekend I'll be doing some editing, other wise I'll kick into it late Monday afternoon after yet more appointments.....
28 days to go!!! four weeks today!!!

ahead of schedule - oh my!

How did that happen?? lol that almost never happens....
I managed to get through the entire novel yesterday making notes. I realized when I was about 12 pages in that I was going too deep, and actually trying to edit as I went and it was taking way too long and was really quite tiring.
So I stopped that and just went through checking consistency/fact/other things like that and adding comments when things weren't quite right or where I needed to add scenes.
It turns out my whole novel takes place over 3 weeks - 2 of which are pretty much summed up in a short space of time, brushed over so that the action can kick in again.
After 3 days my character is in love? I mean, yeah thats a book thing right, and they do have this intense situation and intense feelings, but I think I am gonna have to add a few days in there, develop the characters more, develop their relationship more.... which is good cause I need more words, lots of the characters need a little more development and thats cool, I don't find that hard to do anyways. At least now I know where I stand.
I hadn't planned any actual work for today (in fact, had thought I might need it to catch up on what I didn't think I was going to get through today...) but I think I'll sort the chapters out while little one has her nap this afternoon, and then get into actual editing/rewriting tomorrow!
Fingers crossed it's not as painful as people make it out to be....

I know I have already said that I don't think it's going to be done before the wedding - I can hope that it will be though. Would be nice to have that done so that afterwards I can work on where to submit it etc, and then move onto finishing the first draft of the WIP. My days are already filling up with appointments though, there are three afternoons without Ivy and thats really the easiest time to go meet with various places about various things, but it does cut into my work time.
I refer to writing/editing as work now... how weird is that? lol fun work, but work nonetheless! I am not sure how that transition was made but it means I am a lot more dedicated and I can apply my very good work ethics to the practice of writing.
Anyways... better go and play some or I'll get told off!

Wednesday

I can't believe it's halfway through the week already... whats more it's the 16th, which means that in one month it'll be our wedding day. Far out!
Getting the marriage license today, better do that or there won't be a wedding right? lol, so weird to think that all the planning and work and time spent on this thing is actually going to be paying off in the very near future, I just hope that I don't get that post wedding slump that so many people talk about. Fingers crossed, there is certainly a lot to carry on with afterwards!

I started work on the novel I'm going to submit this year. I read it through. I enjoyed it. And now I am reading it again! lol I have looked at several different methods for editing novels and I started to try several of them, but I just wasn't sure about them... I probably gave up on them too soon, yes. But it's a learning curve for me and I am just going to have to fumble through it I think and if that means it takes me twice as long as it should then so be it, it's learning and I will know heaps more for the next time. I am sure just as the quality of your writing gets better each time you write a new piece, so too does the quality/speed/efficiency of your editing/rewriting stage.
So I'm doing a second read through, I'm making screeds of notes on it, things from time line issues, to facts that need checking, things that have been mentioned which I know weren't tied up, lots of the - well how did that happen? the other things you've written suggest this isn't possible (ie: MC gets on a plane, goes to be with dying sister at hospital, sister dies, she follows sisters wish for her to run off with her son, they drive away.... yeah where did that car come from?? the dying sister certainly didn't drive there and the MC isn't so stupid that even if sister did drive, she'd not drive off in it - sure fire way for the psycho husband to find them quickly! Ya know, the thing she's trying to avoid... hmm). I'm only ten pages in.... and while in some ways it seems really easy to do, it also feels quite tiring. I can pick up on a lot of the things with no problem, I think because I have so much space from it, it's more the thought about the hours I am going to have to put into it to make it better.
It's a good story, there are bits of it that I am so chuffed with, some lines that I just adore, and I have had heaps of feedback from other people who enjoyed it more than I do. So at least I know that it is only going to get better, it's just that I have to be mentally prepared to do the work. It's a little daunting, and I think I'll have to remind myself constantly that it's not crap because it's not - it's just that I'll be focusing so much on the crap to make it not so crappy...that I'm probably going to be spending a fair bit of time thinking it's crap. Maybe? lol we'll see right! early days yet.
So, by the end of the week the goal is to have gone through the whole thing again making millions of notes, and then have broken the story into chapters (which I never write in, but am already starting to see natural breaks in the story). And then next week I'll start working on it chapter by chapter, in order, so that consistency is kept and all is well with the world... estimating.... 4 chapters a week maybe? Seeing as my child is not really keen on letting me work a lot while shes awake and shes only in care 3 avo's a week. So i guess when I know how many chapters there are i'll have a better idea how long this whole thing is going to take... I can tell it won't be done before the wedding! lol

Sunday

Well I had my hens night last night and it was a lot of fun. I think I was one of the less drunk people thankfully!!! There were a couple girls who were definitely in for big hangovers the next day. I'd been feeling off all day prior to the event, so that didn't help a lot. I felt alright this morning, though I could have done with more sleep!
Was so weird in some ways. I have been to a tonne of hens nights and at one point in the evening I realized this really was MINE lol and I'm getting married. OMG. There are only 34 days now til the wedding I think and everything is falling into place which is awesome!

On the writing front I finished my Novella today. Feels good to have it out of the way thought now I am torn between two things - edit the nano i'm planning to submit, or finish the WIP. The original plan was to push on with the WIP and leave the rewriting/editing til after the wedding, but several people have suggested I hold off on the WIP for now and get on with the editing/rewriting thing because thats what I am going to be submitting and the sooner it's out there the better. Which is true.
We'll see how I feel in the morning. It's all printed out and read for reading/note taking, so thats something. Not entirely sure how to go about it, but I guess I will learn as I go along.
Got some awesome feedback from my brother regarding my SoCNoC novel, he thinks it's awesome and is pushing for me to complete the WIP seeing as that means he'll get to find out what happens next sooner rather than later... Have no doubt I will get my sister in laws thoughts on it soon and then she will probably pass it along to her mother, and then my mother might get it. Lots of comments and things to think about! I think it will have gone through between 8-10 people before I get a chance to go back and do the work on it that needs doing. My brother suggested tho, writing the entire story first and then reworking it so everything ties in, a good thought i feel.
Feeling really weird about the novella, lol I think I'll leave it awhile before I even look at it again.

one of those 'wohoo!!' days

It's been a great day, it really has. I mean, it started out with me being grumpy and annoyed by everything (most of all the flies who think that our house is a good place to locate themselves), but it has gotten steadily better.
Ivy and I had an awesome supermarket trip, and then I had a productive writing spell while she had her nap (productive for daytime hours, i have decided I am definitely a night time first draft writer). After that we had some lunch and then did some face painting, I'm still learning! Ivy had fun doing mine tho... I never quite know just how much I should trust her with the brush and my face though hehe.

After that I was called and had a phone interview for a job, which was really cool, and it went really well!! He seemed pretty impressed with me and said he'd be putting a recommendation forward and I should get a call tomorrow re: an interview - scary!! So it's not the dream job, but it sounds like it could be a job that fits in with my priorities and thats the most important thing to me right now, mainly being a mum and working on my writing.
I just got off the phone with my Mum, who got on my case again about getting the first novel I wrote out there and published, lol it's funny how some people seem to think it's so easy! I guess it might be, I haven't tried so I wouldn't know. Soon tho, very soon. I'm committed to finishing my Novella first, and then hopefully hammering out the rest of my novel WIP before the wedding, though Tama suggested that I put that aside and pick it back up for SoCNoC. It's a good idea, but I'm not sure just yet... I think I want to see how much I can get out by the end of the month. We'll see!!!
Anyways, she told me that my brother had started my SoCNoC novel, and that he and my sister in law were fighting over who got to read it first, that she has to wait until he goes to work before she can get into it and that they are really enjoying it!! All wonderful things, I am so happy!! Unfortunately they didn't answer the phone so I couldn't confirm... ah well! I'm probably buzzing enough as it is for one day anyways, should save some for another day definitely.

freak outs

I seem to have been doing a little bit of freaking out lately - I don't enjoy it, really, I don't. Does anyone?
The wedding is now 41 days away and getting closer every second and every now and then I feel like I just can't breathe, like there is no oxygen for me in the world. I keep telling people that I am stressed out etc and they all go 'oh nerves huh?'
No, not nerves, just pure stress.
I can't wait to marry Simon, I am so looking forward to being married to him. It's the wedding I am getting stressed about, not the marriage - the two are completely separate beasts, and quite frankly I would much rather be excited about our marriage than excited about the wedding, I feel a little bit worried about those people who focus so much on that one day when really it's about the rest of your lives, together, as husband and wife. I don't want to spend thousands of dollars more than I can actually afford so that we have an amazing day, the thing that will make it amazing is the fact that we are getting married and we are celebrating our love with all these people who love us.
I have been freaking out about just how many people are actually saying yes to our invitations, I am freaking out about where the hell we are going to put them all, about the fact that we now don't have enough crockery etc at the venue and I'll have to hire more in, about whether I will have enough seats in the end, all of this has been weighing on me and I wished for many things, including a way to have everyone there and yet somehow being able to morph them into half as many people, lol would you mind if i just blended you with someone else for the evening? I'll make sure that you have similar wants/needs.
All the freaking out makes it hard to remember why I invited these people (well, most of the people, some I was asked to invite by others).
So, I need to remember that it is a blessing that there are SO many people who want to come and celebrate with us, that it is a blessing to be so well loved, that there are plenty of people who weren't invited who would also have loved to share the day, and that all of this love and celebration should mean that regardless of the niggly little details we will have a wonderful, if somewhat overwhelming, day.
I should put that on my wall 'YOU ARE BLESSED', because I am, and I should remember it more.
I did however solve the seating problem so there will be no more tears at bedtime, no more stressing about where everyone will go - if only 3-4 more people say no, I should be right lol. So please Gods, let there be a couple of people who simply cannot make it even though they would love to share the day with us.
Thank you.

The Universe provides - sometimes we just have to remember to stop and ask it for the things that we need.

And onto another matter: Writing. I haven't done a lot in the last few days, I have literally been swamped with wedding details to go through. I am clear of that for now though and am hoping to get back into it this evening, or maybe after I get home from my step sisters baby shower. I have to make sure there is a decent sized distance between me and the next person on the word count list if I am to ensure I win that muffin lol.

*insert title here*

Ya know, I really don't like coming up with things to use as titles.
Today nothing strikes me at all, there is nothing stand out, nothing major going on. I just felt like blogging.
I've been writing like mad, literally, like mad, at least it feels that way. Going from not doing a lot of writing at all to getting out like 4K on the 1st and 3.5K on the 2nd. I wonder what today will have in store for me?
I didn't think I was going to write that much yesterday, but there I was, til midnight or just after, awake, at the keyboard, typing.... I'm tired because I keep going to bed late and getting up early but I can't seem to sleep until enough of this story has found it's way out of my head and into my document.
Which is weird, because, I don't feel particularly attached to the story. I don't think it's fantastic, it's a lot of rambling from my main character at the moment and I am going to have to kick things up a notch soon and have some really crazy stuff happen if the ending is going to be pulled off successfully. There is not enough of the darkness creeping in yet and at 8K, where I am now, that simply is not good enough... (She says when there has been an almost murder, a man hit with a baseball bat and left on the sidewalk and an entire building burning down...) Those things weren't intense enough though and maybe my main character is just far too easy going for this to be the kind of story that I thought it would be. Soon tho, other things are going to start happening...
Ah well, it's really nice to be able to just write, without thinking about anything else - I mean, my Nano last year was the second part of something, so I was spending a lot of time thinking about what I was writing, what the last lot of writing was like and dwelling on the expectations of the people who had read the first bit and were waiting for the second.... I am pretty sure that after this novella I'm not going to care about those things, I'll just be able to sit down and get the story down.
There are other things to do ya know?
I emailed off one job application last night, and will do the other today. Feeling less nervous about that now, if I don't get either thats fine, we're not desperate for the money anyways it would just be nice to have some that is mine. And I think it would be nice to spend a few hours a week working out in the world rather than here in my head, on the laptop, or with my little girl.
She's going to be 3 next month... wow. growing up so fast. She told me she didn't want a birthday, she didn't want to get older - for some reason she thought that when she turned 3 she wouldn't get anymore cuddles. hehe kids. I told her no hunny, it doesn't matter how old you are you'll always get all the cuddles you want from me. So now shes talking about her cake non stop.... i think we'll do a BYO beach BBQ thing, the kids can run around and have a great time, and the adults can enjoy the sun and the view. With the wedding the week after it's not like we'll have the time or money for something more labor intensive.
Anyway, I should sign off, and go and do some painting with her. She's just finishing her breakfast so she will almost be ready to get into that.
It's another beautiful day, really, stunning.
*Note to self* please don't spend all day inside writing....maybe take the laptop out onto the deck for 20 minute intervals? lol

New things.

It's a new year, why not do new things right?
I started my New Year Novella, and man, it is really going well. I am actually quite surprised. Almost stunned, but not quite.... I'm writing it in 1st person, as opposed to my regular 3rd person, and it's a nice change, I almost feel as if I can write faster this way, and I do not yet feel limited by it. I think it's going to be an interesting experience, and I think I will actually manage to get the story finished not too far after the 20K mark either which will be a nice little achievement in itself. I wanted to write an actual Novella, not an abbreviated novel or an over extended short story and fingers crossed, I might actually pull it off!
Also, I am applying for a couple jobs.... it was only going to be one, but I kind of thought if I make it two, then I won't feel so nervous about the one I actually want - well, thats the theory. So I have spent the morning working on my CV and now I have to find three referees and write cover letters - all going well I will have that sorted today and I can get the applications in. Once it's in the post I can't take it back, so I need to get to that point as soon as possible.
It might not be so scary other than the fact that I have not worked in two years, I've been studying and being a mother and those have been really important things for me. Having now finished my degree, I still want to focus on the mum thing, and I want to focus on my writing, so I am really looking for a part time job that fits in with me, not one that I need to fit in with. Yeah I know, picky right? We'll just have to see what happens. It's near impossible to get more hours at daycare at the moment in this town, so I will just have to cross my fingers and hope that wherever I actually have a chance will have ours that fit. And I am counting on our flatmate to help out with looking after the little one if it doesn't quite fit... See, when i talk about it like this I feel like it's impossible to find something that will work, but I am going to apply anyways. It's a big new year and I am going to be brave.

The other new thing I did was sign up over at the Nerdfighters ning. I haven't joined a ning before, and while I have been watching Brotherhood 2.0 for... well, most of the year now, I never really participated in the forums or anything else, though I did take part in the Project for Awesome last month which was a hell of a lot of fun. It's time to take part and take action. Like I said, it's a big new year, and I am going to work on being an improved me, an all of me, all the time.
Anyways, wish me luck on the job front ;-) I will keep ya posted!
*nervously goes back to writing cover letters.... and wishes she could instead be writing her novella.*