So, almost a week after the wedding and I feel like I have done nothing since - I can call it recovery time, I can call it slacking off, I could make many excuses - but the reality is that I just have not done a thing. The house work is getting done, the little one is being looked after and amused, I started reading a book on editing, but that is about it.
And I feel a little disappointed in myself, because I was sure that I was going to be getting back into things straight after the wedding and it just hasn't eventuated, and I have nothing/no-one to blame but myself.
And what am I going to do about it??
I'm not sure.
I feel a little lost I think, I'm lacking a little direction, unsure of where exactly I want my life to go from here - I mean, I have a list of goals and I could work my way down them and that would be all very well. But I feel like right now is a good time to reassess things, and set myself on a course of action I will truly be happy with.
Parts of me are toying with working on a couple short ideas, polishing short stories, submitting, hoping to get something, anything published and I realize that is the part of me that wants a little instant gratification, a quick fix to me feeling like my writing is going somewhere. On the other hand I really want to finish rewrites and editing on the first novel so that I can get that out into the world. But right now I am feeling a little conflict over that as well.
I could take it in so many directions. I could increase the NZ content and boost it's chances of selling within NZ, or I could boost the 'romance' side of it and submit to any number of places which publish romance. There are other directions I could go with it, and I just can't say right now which one is the right path for the book. I don't know who I could possibly ask who could give me the right kind of advice on it either.
I think what I really need to do is sit down and thoroughly explore what it is I want from my writing - why am I doing this? What are my goals within writing? Do I want to sell books, or write the books that I want to? are they part of the same goal?
And in the meantime - how on earth am I going to make some money?? Writing is not one of those careers you can hedge your bets on, it's never guaranteed that you'll make anything from it. So while I am sitting around, waiting to get pregnant and become a mother for the second and first time, what do I do??
It's complicated. The fact of the matter is that it's next to impossible to get extra hours of childcare, I have 18 set hours and trying to find a job which works within that schedule is impossible. Not only that, but the jobs that I have applied for, which would have been wonderful, seem to think that I'm not worth employing, or maybe that they couldn't pay me enough or that I would take off at the next best offer due to the fact they aren't highly skilled jobs and yet I am, in several areas, highly skilled, well educated, really, who takes a uni graduate with a double major seriously when they are applying to be a check out chick, or work behind the counter in a retail store? So do I work nights and miss out on quality time with my man? Do I work weekends and miss out on the only time we really have together as a family? What is more important, making some extra money (feeling like I am bringing some financial benefit into the family), or ensuring that our little unit is as solid as it can be? Do I lie my omission about my quals? I just don't know, I really don't. Maybe I should become an Avon lady.
All I can do is hope that a solution presents itself in the near future. Something is bound to come my way right?
The path of my novel has got to become clear soon as well. And I shall try and avoid distraction, get back to work on the big projects, and work on the small ones in my downtime. Number one priority is getting this edit complete so that I can get it out in the world and get back to working on the WIP. There is a massive list of things that need writing/rewriting/editing/submitting this year, and I need to get on top of it.
if only I knew for sure which way to take this novel....
And I feel a little disappointed in myself, because I was sure that I was going to be getting back into things straight after the wedding and it just hasn't eventuated, and I have nothing/no-one to blame but myself.
And what am I going to do about it??
I'm not sure.
I feel a little lost I think, I'm lacking a little direction, unsure of where exactly I want my life to go from here - I mean, I have a list of goals and I could work my way down them and that would be all very well. But I feel like right now is a good time to reassess things, and set myself on a course of action I will truly be happy with.
Parts of me are toying with working on a couple short ideas, polishing short stories, submitting, hoping to get something, anything published and I realize that is the part of me that wants a little instant gratification, a quick fix to me feeling like my writing is going somewhere. On the other hand I really want to finish rewrites and editing on the first novel so that I can get that out into the world. But right now I am feeling a little conflict over that as well.
I could take it in so many directions. I could increase the NZ content and boost it's chances of selling within NZ, or I could boost the 'romance' side of it and submit to any number of places which publish romance. There are other directions I could go with it, and I just can't say right now which one is the right path for the book. I don't know who I could possibly ask who could give me the right kind of advice on it either.
I think what I really need to do is sit down and thoroughly explore what it is I want from my writing - why am I doing this? What are my goals within writing? Do I want to sell books, or write the books that I want to? are they part of the same goal?
And in the meantime - how on earth am I going to make some money?? Writing is not one of those careers you can hedge your bets on, it's never guaranteed that you'll make anything from it. So while I am sitting around, waiting to get pregnant and become a mother for the second and first time, what do I do??
It's complicated. The fact of the matter is that it's next to impossible to get extra hours of childcare, I have 18 set hours and trying to find a job which works within that schedule is impossible. Not only that, but the jobs that I have applied for, which would have been wonderful, seem to think that I'm not worth employing, or maybe that they couldn't pay me enough or that I would take off at the next best offer due to the fact they aren't highly skilled jobs and yet I am, in several areas, highly skilled, well educated, really, who takes a uni graduate with a double major seriously when they are applying to be a check out chick, or work behind the counter in a retail store? So do I work nights and miss out on quality time with my man? Do I work weekends and miss out on the only time we really have together as a family? What is more important, making some extra money (feeling like I am bringing some financial benefit into the family), or ensuring that our little unit is as solid as it can be? Do I lie my omission about my quals? I just don't know, I really don't. Maybe I should become an Avon lady.
All I can do is hope that a solution presents itself in the near future. Something is bound to come my way right?
The path of my novel has got to become clear soon as well. And I shall try and avoid distraction, get back to work on the big projects, and work on the small ones in my downtime. Number one priority is getting this edit complete so that I can get it out in the world and get back to working on the WIP. There is a massive list of things that need writing/rewriting/editing/submitting this year, and I need to get on top of it.
if only I knew for sure which way to take this novel....
1 comment:
I totally know where you're coming from! If you wanted to get more instant gratification with writing you could try working on shorter pieces while working on your novels. Stuff like short stories and non fiction articles. If you get stuff out there on submission then I think that will give more of a feeling of progress. At least that's what I'm aiming for!
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