Everyone keeps asking me about it. They know it's next month, they know that I am meant to be going, and every time someone asks I have to disappoint them. I'm not going, I don't even care that I'm not going. I made the decision, didn't mention it to anyone, and then left it til after the date by which my registration was meant to be received before I sent my form in. So, yes, I've been using that as my reason - with the whole pregnancy thing it just slipped my mind, when I went to do it I realized it was too late.
Somehow, lying about it makes it easier for them to deal with, and I don't feel guilty about it. It takes less energy than explaining to them that I really just don't care about attending a ceremony. That I don't feel like it was that big a deal to begin with, that many people finish degrees and I'm just not that excited about it. Glad to have it done - yes. Thrilled to be a 'graduate' - not really, no.
And then there would be the cost of attending. A trip to Palmerston North with the current cost of petrol, probable cost of accommodation for one night, the hassle of a child who doesn't really like being trapped in a car for three hours and finds sitting still very difficult. A long winded ceremony in which I'd have to take part in, the cost of hirage for the robes and hood and all that jazz (not cheap!). It would cost me atleast $500 to go and graduate, it costs me nothing to get my degree thing sent out to me.
Am I feeling a little weird about the fact that everyone else in the world is more excited about me graduating than I am myself? Yes. I can't begin to describe the way it feels, it makes me want to cry.
Am I devaluing my worth by suggesting that the money/time cost of going is too much? Hell, I don't know. Maybe it's just another way to justify to others that not going is a better thing. Really it should be ok for me to say 'I just don't want to go' and have people accept that. But they don't get it, they don't see things from my point of view, they put themselves in the 'graduate' cap and think hey thats cool, I'd so want to go.
I am glad I have finished my degree. Do I feel qualified to do anything with it? No. I am better off after finishing it, but it hasn't actually prepared me for any particular role, any job or task. It hasn't left me with a clear cut path, a career plan or anything else which might be obviously useful to me.
I know there are things I want to do, but they aren't exactly guaranteed money makers.
I want to write, I want to parent, I want to explore this other project that I have in mind. And eventually I'll do my teacher training and teach for awhile, because it ties in so well with the family thing, and it's something I know I will be good at. Oh yeah, thats my other trade off. After I tell people that I'm not going to graduation this year I tell them not to worry, because I am sure I'll have another one to attend in the future.
Somehow, lying about it makes it easier for them to deal with, and I don't feel guilty about it. It takes less energy than explaining to them that I really just don't care about attending a ceremony. That I don't feel like it was that big a deal to begin with, that many people finish degrees and I'm just not that excited about it. Glad to have it done - yes. Thrilled to be a 'graduate' - not really, no.
And then there would be the cost of attending. A trip to Palmerston North with the current cost of petrol, probable cost of accommodation for one night, the hassle of a child who doesn't really like being trapped in a car for three hours and finds sitting still very difficult. A long winded ceremony in which I'd have to take part in, the cost of hirage for the robes and hood and all that jazz (not cheap!). It would cost me atleast $500 to go and graduate, it costs me nothing to get my degree thing sent out to me.
Am I feeling a little weird about the fact that everyone else in the world is more excited about me graduating than I am myself? Yes. I can't begin to describe the way it feels, it makes me want to cry.
Am I devaluing my worth by suggesting that the money/time cost of going is too much? Hell, I don't know. Maybe it's just another way to justify to others that not going is a better thing. Really it should be ok for me to say 'I just don't want to go' and have people accept that. But they don't get it, they don't see things from my point of view, they put themselves in the 'graduate' cap and think hey thats cool, I'd so want to go.
I am glad I have finished my degree. Do I feel qualified to do anything with it? No. I am better off after finishing it, but it hasn't actually prepared me for any particular role, any job or task. It hasn't left me with a clear cut path, a career plan or anything else which might be obviously useful to me.
I know there are things I want to do, but they aren't exactly guaranteed money makers.
I want to write, I want to parent, I want to explore this other project that I have in mind. And eventually I'll do my teacher training and teach for awhile, because it ties in so well with the family thing, and it's something I know I will be good at. Oh yeah, thats my other trade off. After I tell people that I'm not going to graduation this year I tell them not to worry, because I am sure I'll have another one to attend in the future.
3 comments:
Well I ended up going to my graduation because (I presumed) other members of my family wanted to go. It did nothing for me. It was boring and cost lots of money.
I say it's your degree, you earned it, you do whatever you like. Don't feel bad for others if that is, "nah, I'll skip it".
I ended up going to two convocations...
The only reason I went to the general convocation for mine was that I was the very first one in my family to graduate from college. (I'm also the only one that actually graduated from High-school...that's another story all together)
I really only wanted to go to my colleges convocation-which is where we walked to get the diploma and all that AND was considerably smaller. (About 100 students as opposed to thousands)
It was an interesting experience but it's really meant for family and such. We went to the general convocation for my husband later on - only because it was inside...unlike mine.
Ooh! What is this other project? Email me. :)
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