No more writing

Well not really, not this month anyway.
I did spend some time talking about ideas and new directions for the novel in edits though, with Chibi, and am quite excited by what came out of it all. I plan on sitting down today and hashing out an outline to work from with the rewriting/editing. There is a lot of rewriting to be done! lots of changes... it will be a long process, but I can do it. It'll be different for me because generally I don't work to an outline, I just write.... So, I hope I don't get bored and sidetracked along the way.

Nothing else much to report. Ivy's overnight stay at my Mum's went ok, and mum mentioned a 'next time' so it can't have been too bad ;-)
Am catching up on the cleaning and washing today since it's sunny omg! lol We haven't seen the sun in days, so I am going to make the most of it.
I'm also organizing my desk in the spare room to set it up for working on the novel rewrites. It's time I got that space sorted out so that I don't get distracted watching TV or whatever else might come along. Work space, for working in.
I should probably go and do that, so that I can get on with the work and not spend the whole day procrastinating. I'd like to have it ready to write tomorrow.

Mystery Baby

It's shy ok? Didn't want to flash it's bits to some strange scanner lady.
I was really quite disappointed, but I am pretty much over that now - we may decide to go for another scan sometime to find out, but if we don't I think I can live with not knowing whether it's a boy or a girl.
No yellow though, folks. No yellow, we are anti yellow clothes and baby things lol.
Everything looks good though with the baby, which is a good thing. Will hear more back from the midwife on Thursday, as they don't really go into detail with you during the scan. Bubs was curled up a lot of the time and not being the most co-operative thing in the world but I'll forgive it, it's not really the most pleasant experience in the world and I would have been curling up myself if I'd been allowed.
So, no name picking, no rushing out to buy little boy or little girl things - it's a bit sad not being able to get organized without just going white on everything. I've decided to start anyways, and make some things, purples, and reds and greens and whatever other interesting colours are around. Just no yellow...

Haven't done any writing today, and may not either at this rate lol, but I did spend quite some time discussing my novella. It's now turned into something a lot bigger and better (I'd like to think) I just have to get around to rewriting, adding, and editing :-)

Day 26: 'The End'?

I wrote the words, though I am not sure I mean them just yet - time will tell. It feels like it's missing something though I honestly can't say what I think that might be. Chances are high it's fine as it is and the residual issues I am having with it are things that need to be fixed in the story over all rather than just the ending, and right now I'm not even going to think about going back and fixing it all up, it's done, it needs to sit, get out of my head.
All up it didn't come out anything like I had hoped - which isn't to say I don't like it, because I do. But I'd hoped to write something funny, at least in parts, funny by my standards, not by everyone else's. It didn't happen, not in any sense of the word, unless it's to point and laugh at some of the terrible sentences I have no doubt used.
There were bits in the book that I totally adore, characters which I thoroughly enjoyed and who didn't really get enough development pre writing. I think that's the thing when you are the explorer type writer - by the time you get to the end of the book you really know your characters, which can mean that who they seemed to be at the start of the book isn't always quite right. You might think you know them, but you discover more about them, they round out over the course of the story and so you need to rework things to make them the same person throughout, even though they might have things happen to them which change them in some way.
Sadly I don't think I can write any other way, lol there is always going to be the need for me to go back and rewrite character stuff, unless of course it's a sequel cause by then I know the main players well enough to know how they would react to anything.

Anyways, enough thinking about that. I need to kick the story out of my mind so I'll be critiquing a piece of writing Chibi sent me in the next couple of days and giving myself some space to get back into editing mode - exciting stuff, the stuff that feels like real work, lol at least it did last time. I am excited and nervous to get back into it, a little fearful that I'll stuff things up along the way in the novel, but sometimes you just have to make a change and see how it pans out, sometimes you can't tell before hand whether it's the right change or not.
I think I'll rewrite the beginning of the novel (the one that's in edits) anyways, and I can always add that to my word count for the month to push it over that 60K threshold (I'm only 155 words shy of it, but I am not the kind of person who will just write an extra 155 words on a novel I am considering done just to hit a number goal).

Scan day today!! Baby best keep its legs uncrossed because there are about 25 people waiting to hear whether its a boy or a girl, not to mention me who is just hanging out to know.

Day 25: ah, 300 words?

I started one word war this morning, got thoroughly distracted about 3 minutes into it and never got back into writing.... bad day, lol I was feeling very dizzy and stuff but that seems to have cleared up - I'm going to attribute that to large doses of cranberry juice, obviously the stuff is good for me.

I did some reading from baby books last night, and am finding that whatever i read before i go to sleep, i dream intensely about. So baby dreams last night, dreams about businesses and stuff the night before, and I'm not sure the night before that... my memory is pretty shot at the moment.

Took Ivy for a swim this morning and it was just raining a little when we got out of the car, halfway to the pool it started to hail so I picked her up and ran, hard work when shes over 20kgs now and I'm 20 weeks pregnant.

Yes, 20 weeks! halfway!!! and scan day tomorrow :-)

So that means I have to try and get closer to writing 'the end' on this novel, and you know what, this time I might actually write The End, just for kicks, never done it before, and hey it will add two words to my count ;-)

Day 24: 3K

Got a fair bit of writing done yesterday, and it was good as well. The end is in sight now and I can see how it's all going to come together - always a good thing when you can count how many thousand words left to go on two hands.
Anyways, nothing more from me. Been feeling very dizzy the last few days so I'm going to go and lie on the couch in front of the box, or maybe just go to bed and sleep.

Day 23: 1k

I got back into writing again today after a break over the weekend, and while it wasn't a massive word count day it did help me to get back into the story - and have some realizations.
Which suck, cause I am already seeing things that need editing/changing/fixing and I have to just ignore that and finish the novel.
At some point my MC's best friend just kind of dropped off the face of the planet lol, I got wrapped up in the other things going on (you know: young love, family secrets) and neglected the friend big time - in much the way that my MC was doing, the friend I know though wouldn't let that happen, she'd have something to say about it so... that'll all have to come into it at some point in the story, and in the meantime i have to try and include her in the conclusion of the story. I don't even know how I am going to include the other characters that are not the MC, her mother and her father, hopefully a good way shows itself to me shortly.
I also realized I need to get working a bit harder on all of this if I want it done by 1pm on friday, because there is very little chance I'll feel like writing once I've seen baby again.

In other news: well, I really didn't do a lot yesterday lol, I managed to get some more work done on my next business module and am hoping to email that off on Wednesday, I need to put some hours into it today. I had a fantastic talk with Chibi on the kiwiwriters chatroom, that girl is wise beyond her years and it was just so energizing to have that particular talk with her, lol it's always so nice when you can walk away from a conversation and know that everything is going as it should be, that the world is a beautiful place, and that there are others out there somewhere that share your view/belief on some things.
Oh, and Hubby has kindly agreed to Kerryn and Mark staying here when they come up at the start of August!! So very exciting!!! There is a lot going on in the near future and it's nice to know there is stuff happening.

So today, where does that leave us: husband doesn't for work til 145pm this avo, child is home all day, it's wet, cold, and pretty miserable weather and I'm feeling very low on energy.
I do need to write another K or so today though, and work through some more sections of the module. The house was cleaned all over yesterday so I just need to do the dishes today to keep things ticking along.
Plus I better come up with an interesting thing to do with Ivy otherwise we're going to end up driving each other crazy lol.

Day 21/22: nothing written

going to keep it short and sweet cause I am working from the laptop and it's too hot and uncomfortable to be resting on my knees for long.
My graphics card is fried and I am unable to use my PC. I am not impressed about it.We also didn't win the graphics card we were bidding on Trademe, and we can't really afford to buy a new one right now so for the meantime, I'm reduced to laptop use and borrowing hubbies when he's not using it, which, lets face it, isn't often when he is home, thank heavens for work hours!
Other than that I slept all day yesterday, I have been so tired it's just not funny. My tummy is stretching and growing, so I've been quite crampy and uncomfortable - and lets not even talk about the back pain lol fun times!! Am doing my best to keep active and stretch lots, do the best I can for my body while it's developing this new life inside it. I may have to resort to morning swims on a daily basis because that definitely made me feel better last week.
I can almost feel bubs kicking from the outside now, I know where to put my hand to feel the slight movements, but it's too small for anyone else to be able to pick up just yet - but thats cool tho, means it won't be long til hubby and Ivy can feel it too, I'm looking forward to being able to share that with them.
Anyways, going to get off this laptop and get some things sorted for the day. I have a lot to catch up on writing wise this afternoon once hubby has gone to work - he's working lates this week which is good, I can watch the final of Desperate Housewives in peace.

Day 20: 1.7k written

I got back into the story yesterday, adding a little to my word count. Am looking forward to finding time to add even more over the weekend and see where the story goes to. I know now where the MC will meet her mother, but it's what happens there, and how we get to that point which is still fairly unknown. Oh wow... see, this always happens when I blog, I say I don't know what's going to happen, and then I come up with a solution. This is one of the things I love about blogging.
So now I know how my book kind of comes together in the end, which is different to how I imagined it would, but good as well. Now I'm looking forward to writing it even more! And you never know, things might change by the time I get there but it looks like a pretty solid option.

Brother stopped around today and dropped off four bags of baby clothes - mostly boys - so now I hope we do have a boy cause we'd be totally set up! lol that said, if it's a girl I get to do lots of shopping... Ivy is having lots of fun going through and talking about how cute things are, there are a couple pieces with tigger on them and so she's been hunting for something with winnie hehe, I can tell this baby is going to be a winnie the pooh baby ;-)
He also gave me his wireless keyboard and mouse which is cool, and just charging batteries for the mouse before I give it a go. Will be nice to get rid of a couple more cables from the desk.

Nothing planned today. I don't think I said yesterday that Ivy's sleep over at my Mum's was cancelled cause Mum is sick, but that's all good, we'll reschedule it for when Mum's better. Simon is at work this morning and we've just been chilling out. I should really plan something for the day! Oh well hehe, maybe its finally time to rearrange the bedroom and do the small organizational tasks that are needed in both the spare room and Ivy's.

Day 19: No writing

And I feel slack - slack in that I still have story to write and I haven't been - on the other hand I did get some of the things done yesterday that I wanted to. And the swim really helped my back out, at least for yesterday.
I hate being that person with JUST over the goal mark, and so at some point today I'll be writing again, though it might not be until later on.
This morning after I drop Ivy off I have to go and finish the gardens at the old house. It's all dragged out for a lot longer than I would have like, and I DID them the week before we moved, of course that was almost a month ago now and they are weedy again and for some reason Dad thinks that's my problem and not his, he even told us off for not mowing the lawn last week, like... that was mowed the week we moved! The whole thing is a mess, it wasn't handled well by them or by us and in the end we're all left feeling unsatisfied with the whole thing.
I didn't have it done by the time we moved and they don't appreciate that, I scrubbed walls for hours which they then sanded over and had to re-wipe. I vacuumed carpets which then had sanded stuff and plastering gunk on them, and some of which were then removed from the house anyway - and I don't appreciate that they asked me to do those things when obviously they were pointless things to be spending my time doing. Next time anything like this is set to happen I'll be sitting Dad down and asking him what I should actually bother doing, where my time could be usefully spent and outlining exactly what each of us is to do.
I think it's unfair for them to get annoyed at how long it took anyways, I KNEW they would take weeks to get the place done so it was not a high priority thing. Nothing that I did or did not do slowed down their progress with repainting and tidying the place up, they didn't have tennants lined up or a date by which things must be completed, and the reality is that they have always been slack in giving us what we needed with the house so meh, I didn't feel like I needed to hurry either. We'll note having an oven that only had two working elements that we had to try and cook meals with for 2-3 weeks before it was replaced (the inside didn't work at all), and the leaking roof which took about a year to get fixed despite the fact our walls were crying and my flatmates ceiling caved in (Dad did manage to patch it up, but still, it was due to be replaced long before we moved in).
So yeah, I am annoyed. But I'll do the gardens again because otherwise Dad will probably get caught in the middle. I'll do it because that's just how I am, and even though I am annoyed about it I won't bring this up to him, or to her, because I don't want to cause them any more hassles.
At least once this is over with, it's done - though I am sure I'll hear back about how I didn't do a good enough job and whatever. I don't care. I'm not going to feel useless because I don't live up to their standards. The reality is that no matter how good of a job I do it won't be good enough so they'll end up doing it over. It's always the way it is.
/rant off.
So yes, gardening this morning, then home and some writing I think! My right hand is all crampy and in a little pain from cutting up photos to send out with our thank you cards so I am going to have to bite the bullet, put some on CD and take them to get printed somewhere... I have to save my hand the hassle of cutting up anymore lol.

Day 18: Winner.

You'd think I would have posted this yesterday right? I mean it was only like 4pm when I crossed the winners line, I had plenty of time to write something up about it. But no...
Doesn't mean I wasn't happy or excited, but I was also tired, sore, cold and headachey.
I actually intended to write more on the novel after that, but never got back to it. Hubby was home sick, after I won it was almost time to get Ivy and then the night routine just kind of took over and I said I would go and do something in game with hubby, which turned into several things and I ended up being on there until 11pm. Much longer than I wanted, and it was worse because it took me over an hour to get to sleep when I did get to bed, and hubby much the same, I hate that, lying in bed, awake, not being able to sleep and the fact that someone else can't sleep as well makes it that much more worse.

So this morning I am still cold, sore, tired and headachey, and there are things to be done which also need my attention.

So no writing this morning, I'm going to answer all the questions on my list of things for my business course, wash the dishes and tidy the house up some. Brother, SIL and nephew are maybe visiting today so I have to make sure the place looks tidy. Old habits die hard, it might not be a house inspection but it doesn't hurt.
I told Ivy we could go swimming today and as much as I don't feel like it one little bit we'll still go, and I can only hope the water is warm and it helps my back to feel better than it does right now.
I should also get back into some those thank you cards, get as many more out of the way as I can - I have no idea where the address book has gone in the move, so thats need locating as well, oh the joy! lol
I may get back into the writing later today, when some of these other bits and pieces have been worked on. But I feel like I have been putting a lot off in order to get my 50K and so now I have to return at least some of my attention to those things that have been a little neglected.

Day 17: 46530

It's a good number! More than I expected to get to last night but the story picked up in a big way and it's really taken off. All the back story has come to light and the cards are on the table as such. No more secrets, just a few problems that need solving and a few events that need to take place - I'm still unsure what some of those things are, but I finally figured out how the mother comes into play and how that interacts with my MC's transformation.
I'm happy with how it's coming together and I just love the scene that I am writing right now, even though I'm still not sure what will happen straight after it. I may give it another week (in the story) to let the things that have come out to develop before plunging into the next big ordeal.

Other than that I had a phone call from my Dad which made me think about a few things. Not things I'm going to talk about here and now, but it definitely made me think more deeply about my relationship to some individuals in my life, examine the way I feel and the reasons why I think I might be feeling that way - generally a worthy way to spend ones time, even if you aren't exactly thrilled with the outcome, in this case because it's not like I can do a single thing to change the dynamic, but at least I can work on reacting less to it myself.

Back to writing I think! Ivy is at pre-school and Simon's home sick in bed, so I have the house to myself, mostly.

Tuesday

I didn't set any specific goals for myself today, well, not official ones - though unofficially I am hoping to get 2.5K words a day through til Friday so that I get past that 50K mark.
I've not really done a lot with my day so far, well, it doesn't feel like it. I finally got onto our thank you cards for everyone who came to the wedding and that's proving to be more time consuming than you might think. I started just writing them randomly and then decided maybe I needed to do them in groups, like, all my aunts in one go so that I could make sure I didn't write the exact same thing on each of their cards. Not that they will likely be comparing their cards, but still, if it happened by chance I'd rather they think I was trying to come up with different things rather than giving them the same spiel.
I can't wait to have it done to be honest, and I will have them out of my hands by the end of the week and no later. I got some more ink for the printer and am going to set about printing some photos to send with each card, which will also be a mission but at least I won't feel like I totally suck because they will all be a little more personalized.
Nothing much else to report! I think it will feel like an unproductive day no matter what I do with it due to the lethargic mood I am in.
Will no doubt update again later after I've done some writing.

Day 16: Goals achieved.

It's been a really good day, for various reasons. I've been in a bit of a giggly/fun mood and that has meant that the hours have flown by.
I'm just 500 words shy of reaching my 2.5k goal, and I know I'll get that easily (and before 9pm when I have to raid).
I sent in my first module thing for the business ownership course and got some positive feedback from that which was great. I also finally confessed what the idea was to hubby who said he thinks it's a really good one! Which wasn't what I was expecting to hear, so am quite thrilled with that too.
Now for some pics, beginning with my Mojo, being terribly cute.



My 40K reward which was very very tasty.


and the second reward, my first baby purchase!

Wow

Feeling so much better today than yesterday!! Not that my cold has abated too much but I think it's just the fact that I am actually cool. It took me til after midnight last night to actually fall asleep as it seemed to take me that long to cool down enough to do so - hubby is on strict orders not to pump the fire up so hot tonight, I just can't handle it. I actually did end up throwing up.
But enough of that, feeling much better this morning and looking forward to 12 when I drop Ivy off at preschool and can go shopping. YAY! shopping!
I am yet to set my writing goal today, though I think 2.5K is a decent goal - I really need to finish off the module of my business course that I am on and send it away. I'm getting too caught up in getting it perfect that I am slowing down my progress in a major way.
So, lets reassess:
2.5K on the story. I left off my writing last night before she suggested she go home with her boyfriend, and then of course I was writing ahead in my mind after I had logged off the computer, so it'll be fun to sit down and actually write the scene.
Finish module one and email it off - I set this goal last week and didn't do it. Today, I must.
And then start module two. I must be a couple weeks behind, though more than half the other people on the course haven't even signed onto the site yet so I am miles ahead of them! lol
Get through the washing backlog.
Enjoy my rewards for hitting 40K and set myself something for the 50K mark, because I am going to hit it a long time before my scan date arrives (27th).

Oh and in other news, Ivy is staying at my Mum's house on friday night!!! It's pretty exciting. She's been expressing a desire to stay over there for awhile and I keep forgetting to ask because it never comes up when I'm around Mum, but yesterday I remembered. So it's all booked in and it is really very exciting. I said that already didn't I? But it is! Other than the night of our wedding Ivy has pretty much spent every night here, and the only other place she has stayed is at her biological grandmother's house, which hasn't happened in more than 6 months now.
I just hope that it all goes well. Am still debating whether to find something to do (ie: movies, dinner out or something) or just stay home in case she can't handle it. We should probably make the most of the night off and go out and do something, but I guess we'll have to wait and see.

And now, back to researching the modern cloth nappy.... lol

Day 15: 40k! wooo

Well, it took me awhile, but I made it!! I am so thrilled to be here, but I feel kind of like throwing up so that's putting a little bit of a dampener on it.
I'll write more tomorrow but right now, I need to go lie down!
Yay me on 40K, I can't believe I only have another 10K to go to pass that 50K mark. I have no idea just how many words are left in the story either, so it'll be interesting to see. Still hoping to get it all out before the month is through.
Tomorrow as a reward for hitting that goal I'm buying myself a white chocolate mocha frappachino, and possibly something else... I'll post a pic if I do buy it :-)

Day 14: Writing Free

Not as in free writing, but no writing at all. I don't even feel bad about it!
I thought I was going to get into some last night but my cold/flu had gotten worse and I just wanted to go to bed.
This morning I feel somewhat better, yay! Some aspects of whatever was going on with me have cleared up - like my scratchy throat which was making me feel quite like throwing up even though I didn't. It seems to be heading more the way of a cold now, which is just fine by me. Going to take it easy again today but still hoping to hit 40K by the end of tonight. It's a goal I want to achieve despite being sick.

Didn't actually do a lot of anything yesterday to be honest. I went back to bed at a couple points throughout the day which seemed to help, lying down is always so much better than being up when you feel yuck. I think the highlight of the day was before cooking dinner when Ivy, Simon and I spent a good 40 minutes playing hide and seek. It was a blast!!! I didn't expect it to be nearly as fun as it was, because normally Ivy hides in the same places or where you were hiding when she last found you. So anyways her and I started off playing, and then Simon started helping her find new spots, so it turned into a two vs one, with combinations of who was hiding and who was seeking - there are loads of places to hide in and around our house, so I was pleasantly surprised. I think it's a great game for all of us to play together.

Day 13: 35K

Well, I managed it! I didn't think I was going to, but I managed to get to 35K. I did just one word war today around with Leisha, so I'm actually impressed with myself that I managed to slowly write the other 1.5kish that I needed to get me over the line. 70% sounds good, it feels good. And if I can get to 40K at some point over the weekend I'll be even happier.
So that then, is the new goal. Reach 40K by the end of the weekend.
I even managed to get through most of my list from yesterday of things to include, though there needs to be more talk of the birthday party - right now all Roma can think about is the information she has JUST gotten her hands on about her biological mother. I'm going to leave it where it is for the night and think about the different kinds of things she might learn from old newspaper print offs and other archived materials which Ryan might have been able to find. The possibilities are limitless really.
So that's me for the night. Fingers crossed I get to sleep a little better tonight. I'll be downing some more lemsip Max before heading to bed, I hope it helps!

new goal

I scratched the idea of the 7.5K challenge today, I'm really just not up for it in this state. So the new goal for today is to hit 70% which means only writing another thousand words on top of the thousand I have managed today.
I visited my friend for our regular friday catch up and introduced her to the word war, and hopefully once she's finished downloading pidgin she'll jump into the room and join some of us in more wars over the next few weeks - she has a broken ankle, and is trying to work on her novel, so it should hopefully help keep her occupied.

Long nights

As I lay in bed between 2am and 5am, drifting fitfully in and out of sleep, aware of the sharp pain down my left leg, the ache in my lower back, the sting in my throat, my inability to find a position to lie in which catered for all of these things and that fact that the 'Doodlebops' theme song music was still playing in my head - I pondered on the point of staying in bed at all.
When the cat came into the house at 3.30am and mewed her way loudly to my side while I frantically clicked my fingers at her so she might be quiet (because she'd located me and was happily smooching my hand) and not wake Simon I almost did give up. Of course, somewhere between 5 and 530 I fell asleep, so soundly that I didn't even hear Simon's alarm go off at 540. Thankfully, I even managed to mostly sleep through his work preparations and departure to be woken again by the cat at 7am because he'd shut our bedroom door tight and she couldn't get out.
Now, to get one thing clear - I am not a Doodlebops fan, Ivy is, and I think I saw it just the one time yesterday but still, for some reason, their very catchy theme song got stuck firmly in place. It's still there now.... (oh and the doodlebops are a kids show, lots of music and dancing and problem solving in case you have the pleasure of not knowing).
This morning though, I feel shattered. My back is still aching, my throat has stepped things up a notch and I may be heading for full blown sickness, though that also might just be due to the general feeling of crap you get when you simply haven't had enough sleep - I guess we'll figure that out as the day goes by.
And where does all of this lead to? It leads to me feeling completely unsure about whether I can complete that massive 7.5K writing challenge today. To feeling a little like I am incapable of writing anything much at all.
Oh well, it's still early. I can reassess when I am sans child post 9pm.

2 weeks now til I get to see baby again.

Day 12: 33K wooo

Well, I made it to 33K, which seems pretty impressive, considering I was going to be happy to settle for 30K. I think that means my total for the day was 4.5K which is not bad at all - yet still, it doesn't feel like I wrote much at all!
I sometimes wonder if my story is crawling along at snails pace.... but I know it's getting there, this is all part of the process. I have ticked off everything on the list of 'things to happen' so now I need to formulate some new 'things to happen'. Let's give it a shot now - better to set it up before tomorrow morning, maybe I'll dream about it and expand on the ideas.
Ryan will come back to Jordan with some information - there will be a bit of it, articles about the family, some interesting history wherein they leave town suddenly.
This ties in with Roma's birth way back, and this will all come together at some point.
Some planning for her birthday party.
An interesting conversation with her Aunt about contraception or preferably abstaining from sex entirely. By interesting I mean uncomfortable.
Another incident wherein she has things happen which relate to the other skeleton in her closet she still knows nothing about.
That's probably enough to keep me going for now. I really need to write out a time line though, so that I know when and where things are happening. I may just skip forward a week and have very little happen then while they wait for information from Ryan -possibly the best way to deal with the things going on!
I'm going to give the Seven Hour Challenge a go tomorrow, and see how fast I can get through it. That would take me to just over 40K and I would be VERY happy with that.
Time for sleep.

Day 11: Not quite there

When I set out upon the days writing I didn't have any goal in mind - I find this particularly dangerous when challenge writing. If you don't have a goal, you're not really aiming for anything in particular.
I could have made one, but I didn't, and by the time I was telling myself I could easily swoop through to 30K, it was too late and I didn't end up getting there. Just over 1k shy of reaching that, but at least I know what my goal is today!
The awesome news from yesterday is that KiwiWriters reached it's first collective million words written for a challenge, and THAT my friends, is really incredibly exciting!
The other fantastic thing is that Sailor Chibi sailed across the finish line, the first one to go over this year, and on her day 10. Very impressive. I know she had a lot more writing to do this month so am looking forward to seeing just how high that word count climbs.

Today I am going to hit 30K. It's a small goal, but hey, I had to start somewhere. I often find that I set myself a goal, and then surpass it anyways, so we can hope it works like that today. I do have a couple other things to do as well though, such as finish my first assignment submission for the business course and email it in (have been quite slack there), and visit my sister-in-law and nephew out at their new place. My brother is working away for three days, starting yesterday so I suggested we come out and keep them company for a little bit today, it'll be nice for Ivy to see some farm living I think, and it'll be cool to catch up with them again as we haven't seen them since we all moved house.

Day 10: The halfway mark

Well I made it there! though I did the bare minimum to reach that goal, and it took me most of the day. But hey, I'm halfway to 50K!!!!!!!!! Was feeling very uninspired yesterday, despite the fact that I'm actually interesting in my story, that happens though. I think it might have been a good thing, because a little internal conflict I hadn't planned on showed up and is a keeper. It's nice when little things show up like that, like your own irritability sparks something inside your character that makes them realise something. In this case Roma is realising that maybe she doesn't want Michelle to 'mother' her - it seemed like it was a good thing when she thought her mother Dotty was useless, but now that she knows Dotty isn't her real mother, that there is another mother out there, she's resisting it a little more. It'll be interesting to see where that goes.

I went to bed around about 9pm last night, and did my best to sleep as late as I could (which turned out to be 7.30 - not bad at all!). I still feel like.... I'm not even sure what you'd call this. I'm sore, and tired, and slothful, I'd totally go back to bed if I could, or if I knew I could find a comfortable position to sleep in. Not an option though. I hate being awake so much during the night, I hate not being able to find a position I can really relax into without some part of my body hurting. So I better go and do some stretches, and do some before bed tonight as well, and hopefully, it'll help.

I don't have any specific goals in mind for today's writing, though several things need to happen: Roma needs to go through her fathers old journal to learn more about her biological mother. Jordan will visit her at her home tonight.
They'll try to find more out about her parent's relationship.
They will enlist Ryan to help them try and find her real mother's location.
Michelle will get annoyed by this.

There, I have some kind of plan!

On a side note, I am finding this quite interesting to write, as, I am not Ivy's 'real' mother either, the mother in this book is placed and is possibly actually a family member (the father's sister), I haven't decided yet - she's really quite a loony, but had been present for the all the life that Roma can remember.
So why am I writing this? Does this make me have any feelings regarding my own 'motherhood' of my girl?
No! lol and I can say that quite honestly. The situation is totally different, besides which, Ivy does know her biological mother as well, so there is no need for her to wonder about what the other mum is like.
Where Ivy has a mum, someone who looks after her, adores her, does everything she can to make sure she is happy and safe (me), Roma does not, and never has had that experience of a mother due to Dotty living in almost another world entirely, which has meant that having her slightly older friend Michelle mother her a little has been quite nice for her.
Do I wonder what will happen in my own situation when Ivy is older and wants to explore her options - yes, of course. I'd love for her always to be my little girl, but am totally aware of the fact that I need to share her and give her the space and opportunity to make her own mind up about things.
Am I exploring that angle of our relationship in this book? I've thought about this, and I really don't think I am - everyone reacts differently, characters are not real life, Ivy is in no way shape or form Roma, though if she turned out to be like her then I wouldn't love her any less.
Is it going to play out the way I'd like it to in real life? No, that wouldn't be truthful or honest for my characters, I don't tend to manipulate them like that.

The reason why I have asked myself these questions is because the first novel I wrote someone raised similar ones (MC was asked by her dying sister to take her boy and hide him from her abusive husband), a friend who read the book asked whether I was exploring my newfound motherhood and the impact it had on me - while I could have said yes that would have been untruthful because the premise of the story had been developed several years prior to my even meeting Simon, or to Ivy being conceived.

Do my personal experiences impact on my writing? To this I would answer yes, of course. It makes me treat my characters a little more sensitively than I otherwise might. It has meant that Roma doesn't feel ill towards Dotty, that she actually does care for her and will not go out of her way to hurt her feelings, despite the fact that she's not really aware of what is going on.
It meant that I could easily raise all the thoughts and fears and worries associated with looking after a small child when you have little experience in that area.

Anyway, I think that's enough self assessment for me this morning. We would be silly to think that our lives don't impact on our writing, and even more insane to avoid topics which we can relate to our own lives, we should take everything we know, everything we have experienced and use it as a resource for our writing, draw from it, pick apart the strands, repaint it with our words. As a writer you have to use every resource you can get your hands on at times, your own life can be the easiest, and the hardest one to draw from.

Shy Dog

My darling Kali-Ma is so camera shy, lol I am always trying to get some good shots of her but she just plain avoids the camera where ever possible. See yesterdays example.

Day 9: almost halfway

I hit 22500 this evening, well, just above. Though most of the writing for that was done early today, I just felt like I needed that last 500 words, 45% complete looks a whole lot better than 44% for some reason. It amazes me that I am almost halfway on day 9, and that's despite having had a couple of writing free days. I don't think my story is halfway though, and that makes for a nice change - then again, there is a chance I say that every time and then still wind the story up by around 52K total. It's like there is a switch in my brain that says 'hey boys, we have to wrap this one up, that 50K mark is coming on and even though we might have some days to spare and keep writing with we still need it done'.
As a consequence of this, the first half of each novel I have written is well paced, well developed, and the second half generally needs some work. I am attempting to change this pattern this month. I'd like to write a longer story, and have to add less details and development in after it's 'finished', and yet I would still like to have this draft ticked off as 'complete' during this month.
I think I can do it, and I'll be trying my hardest. I think I just have to forget about attaining that specific word count goal, and just work on trying to get the story down this month, no matter how many words that takes.
We'll see how it goes.

Am feeling quite tired this morning so am not too sure how much I will end up writing, I guess it will depend on who is around in the chat room and whether they feel like writing as well! lol it's not dependant on other people, but it sure helps if someone else is there spurring you along. I really must try and word war by myself and see if it works nearly as well for me as warring with others.

Day 8: Another 2k.

I'm really glad I made the effort to write tonight. I could easily have let it slide and just held out for tomorrow knowing that my word count was enough to still keep me at the recommended place for the day, but I pushed on anyways and am now sitting just about 17K. It feels really good and I am happy with where my story is going and how it's getting there. There are several subplots happening along with the main one I had in mind, which is also pretty cool. Lots of things are happening for my girl Roma, and life is about to get a lot more interesting! I am pretty sure she can cope with the way life with change, she doesn't have much choice though, really....
Anyway, off to bed for me. I spent about 6 hours cleaning today and I am tired. I went back around to the old house sans husband and child this afternoon and while I didn't actually get a lot done I did have a really deep conversation with my father in which we both opened up emotionally and that was nice, so worth it. I love it when we can do that.
I have to admit that I should give him more credit than I do in general. I have a set of expectations around our dealings and he's really shown me that he's made some changes in himself of late. I expected the worst from him, expected him to tell me that I was being lazy and that I wasn't doing a good enough job with the cleaning stuff, but he thanked me, and was really genuine about it which was just so refreshing. I didn't walk away feeling like I was substandard and that's a super nice thing.
After this afternoon I feel like I can be more honest with him about things, and that he can handle who I am, which is also really really nice. I love my Dad, and I want to be able to include him in all of my life, so the fact that we are starting to get to the point where that might happen is just awesome - finally approaching that adult parent/child relationship and moving away from the version we had when I was a teenager through til recently. Maybe me getting married and knocked up has helped him to accept that I really am a grown up now with thoughts, opinions, ideals, and all that other fun stuff of my own. Maybe it makes it easier for him to relate to me as an adult rather than as just his little girl.
The fact that several of his statements showed me how truly deeply he cares for Ivy despite the fact that she's not his blood have a great deal to do with this though. Knowing that he really does accept my love and devotion to this child who is not biologically mine but mine in all other ways shows me more about the real him than I have seen in a little while. His acceptance of her as his own makes me feel more included - which I guess is a little strange, but I do feel excluded by the people who are not accepting and welcoming of this little family I have, I made the choice to take on this child and I would never change that for anything, and the fact that other people still don't think of her as part of the family really guts me.
Note: all my immediate family members adore Ivy by the way, it's some of the extended family that I am talking about when I mention people who are not accepting.
Anyway, sleep time.

Day 7: No writing, just cleaning.

Was a busy day, and a hard working day and I don't feel better off for it physically - but the great part of it means that we are almost free of the old house for good. After this weekend there will be no more cleaning over there to do, no more thinking about it, apart from, well, probably having to help Dad paint the place which we'll be doing out of love and not a sense of obligation, and I'll probably be able to avoid anyway because hey lets face it, lots of chemical fumes etc are not good for pregnant people.
I did do some thinking about my story though, and I feel like I'll be able to jump right back into it when I do get a free patch of time and space (maybe today even!) I should really be putting some of these thoughts down on paper so that I don't lose track of them but I'm sure it'll be fine.

I managed to get a sleep in this morning as well, hubby kindly agreed to get up when I asked him to, and other then the first morning cuddle from Ivy it was actually uninterrupted! That doesn't happen often - normally she is knocking at the door, or hubby is coming in to check on me, or my dog is whining because she thinks that a night apart is more than she should have to stomach. So she did whine this morning but I did a better job of blocking the sound out. It was nice, and I feel better for it that's for sure.

Anyways, that's it for now. Have to get ready to finish that cleaning off and then it's lunch at Mum's mmmmm divine.

Day 6: Meh

I got around 1k written today, not that the day is over yet, but I really don't expect to be adding anything to that. This means I am sitting just over 15K, which is a pretty decent number still.
We now have 2 people at 20+K, and one person sitting just over 31K - go go Sailor Chibi!
I'm feeling low in general, it got to midday and I wasn't even sure where the time had gone, the afternoon passed just as quickly with very little else being done. I should have seen it coming as I have had several high energy days, a crash was inevitable. It's not writing related by the way - though if I wasn't having mood issues I am sure it would be.
The story is still going quite well, I am ready to drop the next little clue for my MC, after which she'll go hunting for something to either confirm or deny her suspicions, and I'm still not 100% sure what that it will be that confirms it. You don't exactly have birth certificates which say 'mother unknown', I'm thinking that maybe she'll find an old diary from back before she was born which can give her some more insight - whether that belongs to her father or the person who she has called mother for as long as she can remember I'm not sure. I guess I will just let the story decide. I'm thinking from the mother. It's funny how writing about your next little issue can cause you to come up with the solution - maybe that's a good thing to suggest to other people.
Anyway, more than anything I am really tired. So I think it's another early one for me. Lot's of cleaning to do tomorrow, and then no doubt other things will come up. I wish I could be sure I'd get a lot of writing done over the weekend, but am pretty sure that will be a no go. Oh well! Suck it up and get on with it when I can.

Day 5: 14k and rising.

It's still going incredibly well, despite some procrastination from me yesterday. I spent most of the morning avoiding writing and when I did get into some word wars I could have easily left it at 12k, but then I stuck around in the chat room and ended up doing more and inevitably that count climbed to 14K where I called it quit for the night and head to bed around 10pm. Much earlier than the night before! lol but I still feel tired this morning.

Have to finish off as much of the last cleaning at the old house today as I can - Dad's getting to work there tomorrow so it needs doing. I'm not going to stress too much, it all seems a little pointless as he intends to paint all the walls and so I refuse to spend hours scrubbing them to perfection. Why vacuum (I've already done it by the way, its hypothetical)? he's going to be sanding walls and replacing carpet in some areas... but I know that's not the point to him, and he's still going to be unimpressed no matter how good a job I do. That's the key in these kind of situations - going in knowing you're going to 'fail' according to that particular persons standards, and then you don't have to feel like crap about yourself. Wooohoo! lol

Oh, when I went to bed last night I felt baby moving heaps... it wouldn't quit wriggling around and doing somersaults until I rolled over onto my right side where it seemed happy enough to settle down and let me go to sleep. I can only imagine that this is going to be a nightly routine now, as I have heard a lot of mothers feel heaps of moment around bed time - probably it's because there is nothing else going on to distract, no noise, no visuals, just your body and whatever is going on with it. And it's getting bigger every day, so it's all going to be getting more obvious hehe. I love it.

day four: wooo 10K!

I hit 10K today (if you didn't quite notice from the title up there), actually that was last night... let me get my head straight.
It was a pretty good day, the 3k seemed to cruise by pretty quickly and it's nice, really nice, for things to just be flowing out almost effortlessly - I really do love word wars, they are going to see me across the finish line I am sure. I'm barely writing outside of them at the moment. Which is probably not such a good habit to get into long term. I am still writing between them, but I'm spending a lot of time in the chat room throughout the day and it's really helping to keep me motivated.

I also started working on my small business ownership course yesterday, and some of the kind folk in the chat room helped bounce some ideas around for a business name and I found one! yay! We'll have to wait and see if it sticks, but I'm liking it for now and that's the main thing. The course isn't as basic as I first thought it might be, which is also really nice. I'm not just going to breeze through it like I imagined, and by the end of it I should have a really good idea of whether this idea is viable or not, and whether I want to go ahead with it, or put it to the side and wait a little while to come up with something more suited to todays market - we shall see. It's just nice to be using my brain again for something studyish, I do miss it, despite the fact that I also don't miss it, if that makes any sense.

On the baby front (because, I just can't seem to stop thinking about baby at the moment): had my midwife appointment today and baby was moving around loads when she tried to find the heart beat lol she said thats a really good sign, it's obviously happy and has loads of energy. We could hear the beat still, just not as strongly as if she'd been able to get it to stay put for a little bit. Simon was there as well and it's the first time he's heard the heart beating, it's a pretty special thing. Apparently by now it's meant to be around 12 cms long and weigh about 100grams.

Day 3: I love word wars

It's been an awesome day for progress on the novel, and for that I have to thank the KW chat room, and in particular Sailor Chibi, Moe, Nzfoxgrrl, and Redfox (massive apologies if I've left anyone out.. my brain is a little off course as anyone in the chat room can vouch for. I finally realized it was June today (3 days into the month) and thought it was Wednesday on at least two occasions).
So, my word count has climbed from just over 800, to the mid 5,000's, and hopefully will top out at around 6k later tonight. I'd be really happy with that - it would mean I am right back on track. WOOHOOO!!!
To anyone else who might be reading this and who is not right up there with the words you're 'meant' to be at: You can totally do this. You can catch up, reach your goals, write that story - and it doesn't matter if you aren't there yet, there is plenty of time, if you want this, you can do this.
So I am feeling heaps more optimistic about things now, which is SO great, because I was starting to doubt that I'd make any progress at all.
A very good day, and it's not over yet!

Day 2: No writing done

Yes, I know, pretty bad really - especially so early on in the month. I didn't skip on purpose, it just kind of happened.
Spent the morning cleaning our old house (Got half done, woo!) and then went to the Craft show that was on with my Mum, I really just needed to hang out with her for a bit, without the extras (you know, her hubby, my hubby, my little girl - love them all dearly, but there is something really nice about mother/daughter only time, as I think my little girl is fully aware of!). It was really nice. I got Ivy this gorgeous cushion with a unicorn on it, aww, and a drum, lol she loves both. Hubby got some amazing truffles, so they can't say that I abandoned them in vain.
Anyways, we went and got a new microwave in the afternoon, and looked at some cots and stuff, then got some groceries and by the time we got home I felt like I was going to pass out so I went and lay down for awhile. I didn't feel better when I got up. So it was dinner, bath and an early night for me. My back is killing me at the moment, I think I need to get some new exercises to make it stop behaving so badly.
I do feel better in other ways today though, less like passing out, less like a zombie, less 'ug' in general. I won't be doing any cleaning today, or walking around for hours and hours at a show, I'll be taking it very easy and seeing how I go.
That said, I told Ivy we'd go to one of those kid play places this morning (Banana's woo!) and she is very excited about that. I'm crossing my fingers and hoping that there are other kids there so that she will go off and play with them while I get some writing done - hand written, weird. But still, my laptop won't last more than 20 minutes off a plug so there is no point lugging it down there. I'll just have to see how we go. I have my new pens, and my new notebook and fingers crossed it kicks me off into a nice little catch up spree.

Day One: Sucked

It did, I can't really say much else about it.
I managed a little over 800 words in the morning, had lots of fun in the chat room first thing in the morning waiting for other peoples midnights, and from there the day went to pot pretty much.
A friend visited with her two boys and the kids ran rampant through the house - I wish I hadn't vacuumed before hand cause I had to do it again after they'd left. Then Ivy and I visited my Nana and everyone else who was there. They proceeded to finish off highlighting a fact I was beginning to see the night before - that I simply don't fit into my family. My mother, my brother and I, we are the odd ones out - I mean, there are a couple other members of the family that simply don't fit, and we all seem to just suck it up and deal with it when we have to, for Nana, no other reason. We all love Nana. I am so sick of the negative comments, of the gossip, of these people who know me for an hour at a time once or twice a year who think they have any right to judge me and tell me what I'm doing wrong. I left feeling like the worst parent in the world, and I shouldn't - Ivy is a wonderful little girl, she is bright and engaging, intelligent and generally very well behaved. She was tired though and didn't want to listen when I was asking her to do some things, so yeah, obviously I am 'wrapped around her little finger' and 'not disciplining her enough'. I shouldn't let them get to me, I know I'm doing a good job.
I am my mothers daughter, I shouldn't expect them to get who I am as a person. And the pregnancy hormones are not helping me feel more emotionally stable about all this! lol
Needless to say, I didn't feel much like writing last night. And then hubby roped me into playing world of warcraft and we ended up in an instance til almost 11pm. I don't want to be up that late, and I certainly don't want to be playing games that late. I want to be writing, or in bed. I almost want to cancel my subscription, which is a pretty big thing for me to say as it's a game we generally play together as a couple and I'd be squashing that together time by cancelling. I love that we play together, but I think we're going to have to come to some kind of agreement about when I am going to play and when I'm not, because I hate feeling beholden to a game, like I HAVE to log in for such and such reason. I just want to boot up when I feel like it.
Yes, so that was the 1st.
Today we're cleaning the old house, finally, and it will probably be an all day job. I simply hope that I can summon the energy/enthusiasm to get back to writing tonight.