I'm really glad I made the effort to write tonight. I could easily have let it slide and just held out for tomorrow knowing that my word count was enough to still keep me at the recommended place for the day, but I pushed on anyways and am now sitting just about 17K. It feels really good and I am happy with where my story is going and how it's getting there. There are several subplots happening along with the main one I had in mind, which is also pretty cool. Lots of things are happening for my girl Roma, and life is about to get a lot more interesting! I am pretty sure she can cope with the way life with change, she doesn't have much choice though, really....
Anyway, off to bed for me. I spent about 6 hours cleaning today and I am tired. I went back around to the old house sans husband and child this afternoon and while I didn't actually get a lot done I did have a really deep conversation with my father in which we both opened up emotionally and that was nice, so worth it. I love it when we can do that.
I have to admit that I should give him more credit than I do in general. I have a set of expectations around our dealings and he's really shown me that he's made some changes in himself of late. I expected the worst from him, expected him to tell me that I was being lazy and that I wasn't doing a good enough job with the cleaning stuff, but he thanked me, and was really genuine about it which was just so refreshing. I didn't walk away feeling like I was substandard and that's a super nice thing.
After this afternoon I feel like I can be more honest with him about things, and that he can handle who I am, which is also really really nice. I love my Dad, and I want to be able to include him in all of my life, so the fact that we are starting to get to the point where that might happen is just awesome - finally approaching that adult parent/child relationship and moving away from the version we had when I was a teenager through til recently. Maybe me getting married and knocked up has helped him to accept that I really am a grown up now with thoughts, opinions, ideals, and all that other fun stuff of my own. Maybe it makes it easier for him to relate to me as an adult rather than as just his little girl.
The fact that several of his statements showed me how truly deeply he cares for Ivy despite the fact that she's not his blood have a great deal to do with this though. Knowing that he really does accept my love and devotion to this child who is not biologically mine but mine in all other ways shows me more about the real him than I have seen in a little while. His acceptance of her as his own makes me feel more included - which I guess is a little strange, but I do feel excluded by the people who are not accepting and welcoming of this little family I have, I made the choice to take on this child and I would never change that for anything, and the fact that other people still don't think of her as part of the family really guts me.
Note: all my immediate family members adore Ivy by the way, it's some of the extended family that I am talking about when I mention people who are not accepting.
Anyway, sleep time.
Anyway, off to bed for me. I spent about 6 hours cleaning today and I am tired. I went back around to the old house sans husband and child this afternoon and while I didn't actually get a lot done I did have a really deep conversation with my father in which we both opened up emotionally and that was nice, so worth it. I love it when we can do that.
I have to admit that I should give him more credit than I do in general. I have a set of expectations around our dealings and he's really shown me that he's made some changes in himself of late. I expected the worst from him, expected him to tell me that I was being lazy and that I wasn't doing a good enough job with the cleaning stuff, but he thanked me, and was really genuine about it which was just so refreshing. I didn't walk away feeling like I was substandard and that's a super nice thing.
After this afternoon I feel like I can be more honest with him about things, and that he can handle who I am, which is also really really nice. I love my Dad, and I want to be able to include him in all of my life, so the fact that we are starting to get to the point where that might happen is just awesome - finally approaching that adult parent/child relationship and moving away from the version we had when I was a teenager through til recently. Maybe me getting married and knocked up has helped him to accept that I really am a grown up now with thoughts, opinions, ideals, and all that other fun stuff of my own. Maybe it makes it easier for him to relate to me as an adult rather than as just his little girl.
The fact that several of his statements showed me how truly deeply he cares for Ivy despite the fact that she's not his blood have a great deal to do with this though. Knowing that he really does accept my love and devotion to this child who is not biologically mine but mine in all other ways shows me more about the real him than I have seen in a little while. His acceptance of her as his own makes me feel more included - which I guess is a little strange, but I do feel excluded by the people who are not accepting and welcoming of this little family I have, I made the choice to take on this child and I would never change that for anything, and the fact that other people still don't think of her as part of the family really guts me.
Note: all my immediate family members adore Ivy by the way, it's some of the extended family that I am talking about when I mention people who are not accepting.
Anyway, sleep time.
No comments:
Post a Comment