Around this time of the day, every day, I feel worse than normal. I have to resist every urge in my body which is telling me to go back to bed - today, simply for the reason that I'm home alone with Ivy and she has already had her nap. Every day when I can, I do, I just can't help myself. There is nothing I would like more right now than to sleep.
This week has been dragging on something fierce. I think partially because I'm adapting to the time change, I'm waking up earlier and I get to 9am and it feels like I have been awake for way too many hours, maybe also because I'm getting very little done with which to track my days. There are no achievements, nothing which stands out, nothing for me to feel great about.
Well, other than having my daughter rush to me on my second awakening yesterday morning excitedly and saying 'I love you so much mummy' to me over and over again. It's her new thing, she doesn't just love me, she loves me SO much. It's lovely. I can feel great about that.
We're having a good time at the moment, probably because I am getting enough sleep finally and she's not waking me up at 5am. I'm feeling calm enough to parent effectively and she is responding to that. When I am in control of my emotions, she is in control of hers. I wish someone had told me that you can't have your own emotions when you are a parent, they are always shared with your child. At least - that's how it seems to work here. If I cry, she cries, if I am grumpy, she is grumpy, if I am sad, so is she.
Sometimes it's a little frustrating, because you can't just feel what you are feeling, you have to consider someone else and whether you want/can handle them feeling that way as well.
If only she would feel my tiredness!! lol man that would make life so much easier, we could both just sleep all afternoon.
This week has been dragging on something fierce. I think partially because I'm adapting to the time change, I'm waking up earlier and I get to 9am and it feels like I have been awake for way too many hours, maybe also because I'm getting very little done with which to track my days. There are no achievements, nothing which stands out, nothing for me to feel great about.
Well, other than having my daughter rush to me on my second awakening yesterday morning excitedly and saying 'I love you so much mummy' to me over and over again. It's her new thing, she doesn't just love me, she loves me SO much. It's lovely. I can feel great about that.
We're having a good time at the moment, probably because I am getting enough sleep finally and she's not waking me up at 5am. I'm feeling calm enough to parent effectively and she is responding to that. When I am in control of my emotions, she is in control of hers. I wish someone had told me that you can't have your own emotions when you are a parent, they are always shared with your child. At least - that's how it seems to work here. If I cry, she cries, if I am grumpy, she is grumpy, if I am sad, so is she.
Sometimes it's a little frustrating, because you can't just feel what you are feeling, you have to consider someone else and whether you want/can handle them feeling that way as well.
If only she would feel my tiredness!! lol man that would make life so much easier, we could both just sleep all afternoon.
1 comment:
Well, at least the good stuff is absolutely lovely; your daughter sounds wonderful.
As for no achievements: is there anythin you can take up around the house? I know it's not the same thing, but in the summer holidays I get all lethargic and dull because there's nothing in my life to motivate me, nothing to aim for. I usually combat this by setting myself goals and rewards (although I stop short of making myself a star board, lol): I will paint a canvas for my mum, I will dust every surface I can find, I will reorganise my bookshelf by some eclectic ordering system ... Something to ground me.
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