last post of the year

Well, unless I get really enthusiastic later this evening ;-)
It's been one hell of a year, it really has. Hard in so many ways, but good in many others. I completed my degree and thats my big success of the year. Next year I hope to have many more successes, some of which are givens but still I feel I can think of as accomplishments.
So, I don't generally do resolutions, I never stick to them, it's always a matter of days before they are forgotten or abandoned. Instead I think I will list the things which I will aim for, and hopefully be able to tick most of them off.

Get married.
Get pregnant.
Get published in some way/shape/form.
Graduate.
Clean up our living space, un-junk it, minimize the things we don't need.
Bring some of the images in my head to life via photography/paint/pencil/other media.
Edit two novels.
Organize my short stories and poetry so that I know exactly what I have and where it is/what state it is in.
Learn Te Reo.
Play my Saxophone more (relearn... lol it's been awhile).
Finish painting the kitchen so that I can begin painting the bedrooms....

I think thats enough for now. I would love to add 'move into a new house' to the list but realistically it's not likely to happen any time soon. I'll just have to focus on beautifying where we live now. Dad is putting down new carpet in their downstairs rooms which means we are inheriting the carpet that is already there, it's a lot newer than ours and will hopefully fit both Ivy's room and ours as well. I decided to buy some new curtains for our room as well, being that ours are so flimsy I often wake up very early because it's so light in there. Simon can sleep with the covers over his head but I just can't! I figure once there is a fresh coat of paint, some newer carpet and new curtains the room is actually going to look pretty impressive.
It kind of sucks because I have become increasingly home oriented, I keep having these ideas for things we could do to make it all nicer but it's all pretty pointless when I know at some point we're going to move to somewhere different. I guess I will just have to bottle the ideas until we have a space to call our own.

And in other news... I began writing in earnest again last night and managed to pump out 1.5k in an hour and a half or so which made me pretty happy. Feel like I am getting back on track with the WIP though know that it's likely to be put on hold once again for the New Year Novella. Either that or I am going to attempt to write both at the same time, which could be tricky. I don't want bits of one trickling into the other, but I also don't really want to stop working on the WIP again just yet - my ultimate goal is to have both the 20K's complete, and the WIP first draft complete by the end of January, which would mean writing around 50K in the month but we all know that it CAN be done.
There is the wedding to think about as well though, and still lots of planning and organizing to go there, so I won't be disappointed if the WIP isn't finished, though I know the other challenge will be complete.
I just want to be clear of everything in progress by the end of Feb so that I can launch into some serious editing/rewriting on the novel which is going to be submitted this year for the publish a book challenge...
hehe 2008 already sounds very busy!!!
I feel so excited about it, I can just feel that it's going to be a big year for me and that is so fantastic. Bring it on!!

One more sleep.

So I am now officially ready, technically. All the baking is done, all the presents are wrapped, all the food has been obtained and is ready to go for tomorrow. The plans are made and our day goes a little something like this.
7am: wake up and get organized.
730am: call Dad and make sure they are awake.
745am: arrive at Dads, do the present opening thing with Dad, Sandra, Sam, Paula-Lee, Jaspar, Rebecca and Simon.
9am: arrive at Simon's folks motel room, more present opening.
11am: either get to the beach if its fine, or go to indoor location if not for lunch with Simon's folks, Mum, John, Sam, Paula-Lee and Jaspar.
1pm: start getting organized to head out to Waitara for Ivy drop off.
3pm: make it back home, shove the turkey in to roast along with all the veges etc - sit down, have a beer and cook.
6pm: back to hotel room for dinner with Simon's folks.
8pm: head back out to Waitara to pick up very tired Ivy who hasn't had a nap and is hyper on sugar who will no doubt crash out in the car on the way home.
845pm: back home, child in bed, sit for five minutes, kiss Simon goodbye and make my way back to Dad's house for obligatory Christmas drink.
930pm: hopefully get home again and sleep.

Man, I am tired just thinking about that... Oh well, gotta be done. Spoke with brother who suggested that we offer to host xmas breakfast next year - combined thing, potluck, EVERYONE comes from our immediate and immediate step family to my brothers or our house, taking the responsibility off our folks and allowing us to have just one xmas event with minimal stress. Lets hope that they agree to that! it would be nice! we're going to work on the 'xmas is for the kids' angle, and suggest that having everyone in one location for a couple of hours is better than shifting the kids to multiple locations throughout the day.

On another note, my brothers mother in law has just finished reading last years nano - I had no idea she had borrowed it off them! apparently she read it in two days and couldn't put it down, so thats certainly a nice thing to hear, and a really good point at which to hear it. Fires me up to finish my WIP so that I can get into rewriting/editing that piece and get it ready for submission.
I decided to use that one for the Publish a Book 2008 challenge over on the kiwiwriters site for several reasons. The first being that it was written over a year ago now, and it's been almost a year since I even looked at it - I love that I have so much distance from it now, and 1.5 other novels under my belt which means a little more experience. Hopefully this means I will be able to get a fresh view on it, and incorporate all the suggestions that have been given to me about it during the last year - I am pretty sure I remember all the important ones. And aside from that come up with suggestions of my own.
Also I have had lots of good feedback about it, so I know it's a good story, which is what people want to read so maybe there is a glimmer of hope.

Anyways, better get going, have to go back to the motel shortly and start thinking about dinner.

Hope everyone has an awesome Christmas tomorrow!

Christmas spirit

I think I finally found some!!!
All my little issues with Christmas seems to have been resolved, well, maybe not all, but most, and I am all ready to go and have an enjoyable day, as enjoyable as I can have.
It's nice, not to feel so stressed out about it. It's wonderful, and I am so relieved!
Am yet to have the conversation with my Dad that I need to have, but at least I now know it needs to happen, and I know what I want to say so that makes me feel a lot less stressed.
Sometimes it's not about getting someone else to change, it's about changing the way in which you deal with a situation and so I am working on that.
We have had a busy few days, getting all the little things organized, and I do hope that the gifts we give are appreciated even though they are fairly small and homemade. Here are some photos of our Christmas efforts.

Dead tired.

I feel like I have been taking sedatives or something, I am just so tired all the time, and have been for a couple days now. Technically I should be getting enough sleep, but I can't seem to sleep right through the night anymore. I wake up from dreams, I wake up because I'm in pain, I wake up because I am too hot or too cold. Or I wake up because it's just after 5 and all the birds are singing which makes my cats want to go outside - and trust me, every night I search the house for them and see no cats inside before I lock the door, and every morning between 5 and 530 1-2 cats come meowing at my pillow, and never at the same time. I really have got to find their new hiding places.
So after getting up to let two cats out on two separate occasions, the fact that it is actually really quite light at 530, and those damn noisy birds mean that quite often I cannot go back to sleep, no matter how hard I try. And if I do manage to get back to sleep, I wake up again at 630 when Simon's alarm goes off, which just so happens to coincide with the time at which Ivy starts calling my name.
I am really looking forward to the end of daylight savings. 5am is not a good time to be woken up, nor is 530, and while 630 is bearable is it much less so after having been awake so many times through the night.

Jingle bells, jingle bells...

no what fast da mystery (empty space, empty space, empty space) HEY!
This is my child's version of the song.
I cannot count how many times I sang the correct words for her tonight trying to get her to change them over, the best i could do was getting her to sing oh what fast da mystery..... oh what fun hunny, oh what fun it is to ride.... she's not even worrying about the one horse open sleigh bit, just waiting the right amount of time and then shouting HEY! which is obviously the most important part of the song anyways, who cares about the actual lyrics! I keep telling myself its all good, at the very least it's hugely amusing seeing what she comes up with. It made me remember just how long it took her to move from up-a up-a world to up above the world in twinkle twinkle little star (months and months of her declaring she had it right and we were wrong), at least in this case we only sing carols for the month and by the time they roll around next year she will be set.
She is a gem, lol and it is so nice not to have many other things distracting me from her. The world is a beautiful place when viewed through the eyes of an almost three year old.
I don't want to share her this xmas. It's hit me pretty hard really, I have been fine with it for the last two, though less fine last year, it's just this one is so much worse, I don't want to do it. I wish I was her age and I could just throw a tantrum about it but I have to be an adult and suck it up. I have to accept that she has other family that want to see her, and that we are in some ways obliged to make that happen. I have to accept that once again I only get to have her for half the day - at least we get her for the morning and lunch, finally this year we can have a real christmas morning where we sit around and open presents and her face lights up and there are kodak moments every where you look. I missed that last year - it feels pointless without her, empty. I think I will have a hard time not crying when we go to drop her off after lunch. Hopefully I can wait until we're back in the car and out on the road where her other family won't see me, won't judge me for feeling the way that I do.

In other much brighter news my brother called me tonight and he asked Simon and I to be Jaspar's anti-god parents. How cool is that?? I am so thrilled, I said yes on the spot and then decided I better check that Simon was happy with that as well, which of course he is. It is such an honor, I was secretly hoping that they would pick us, and they did which is just so great. So so so happy about it. He's already gotten really long, and he is still just so beautiful, I love having cuddles with him and it has definitely made me want one of my own even more. Not long to go now before we can start that process. Not long now until the wedding....

Have done more work on that side of things as well, things are being ticked off the list and that is keeping me feeling organized for the most part. I have a list of things to do this week which includes having a crack at writing vows - on top of writing a short Christmas piece for the kiwiwriters challenge, and putting more words into my WIP, it's moving forwards fairly steadily which is keeping me happy. I wish I had more time to put into it, but I am so stretched lately, I barely seem to get time to sit down and think let alone get the space I need to write. Ah well, I am not going to run out of days any time soon I think, it will get written.
I gave the piece I wrote for SoCNoC to my brother yesterday and he is going to read through and make his set of notes on the copy which will leave me with three sets of feedback in the same place, one or two more and I'll be ready to go through it again, though that has to wait until after I edit/rewrite my 2006 nano... the list of things to do/write is not getting any shorter! all the while new ideas are being stockpiled and dwelled on.

wow...

It is so close to the end of the year now... I am having a hard time believing it.
Yesterday someone told me about a concert they were going to on the 28th, and I was thinking, wow thats like a whole month away, but its just a few weeks now. Tomorrow I turn 27, you'd think that I'd remember it was December seeing as I know it's almost my birthday.
I got ID'd the other night when I was buying a bottle of wine. Almost 27 and still getting ID'd, it's nice to know that some people don't think I look my age.
I've not been doing a whole lot lately. Even less than before. Every time I think I am ready to get back into things it turns out that I am just not. I have been reading a lot more again which is really nice, and have been asking people for book vouchers for my birthday so I can go and buy some new ones. Someone said that was boring... I pointed out that it's been two years since I have read for pleasure. Someone else suggested the library and I informed him that sometimes there are books you just want to read, and sometimes there are books you want to own. I want some of those... the books I have in mind are the second and third in the Shaman's Crossing series by Robin Hobb. I managed to read the first one at some point this year (after owning it for more than 6 months), and as an avid fan of Hobb I intend to own as many of her books as possible. So, fingers crossed for book vouchers! lol maybe I really am boring.
On another note, finally starting to get some more wedding things organized. It will be two months to go on Saturday, every day brings us closer and there seems to be an infinite list of 'things to do'. My Dad found what he considers to be the perfect wedding night accommodation though so that is all booked, not just for Saturday but Sunday night as well! How cool!! I thought that was very exciting, we get to go in at 12 to get ready out there, it'll be nice to be away from the mess of home, and all the animals, and just not have to worry about things. Plus because it's a downstairs upstairs there will be plenty of room for all the people who will no doubt be out there over the weekend helping with one thing or another.
When I think about experiencing the day I get excited. I can't wait to get dressed with my mum and all my best girls out there with me. I can't wait to see Simon when he's all ready, I'm even looking forward to all the photos before hand. I am so looking forward to exchanging vows, and digging into our spit roast dinner, to having some kind of dance with Simon, and just being married to him, I am looking forward to laughing a lot, and being so happy because I know Ivy will be having the most amazing day, looking like a little princess, having everyone adore her and dancing until she passes out (or near enough, I know she is not going to want to leave until everything is over, so we will have to see how it goes).
When I think about all the things that need to be done before the wedding.... it's a totally different feeling lol, exciting does not enter into that list of describers. It all has to be done though! I just hope it all pans out as well as I would like it to, that everyone has the kind of day intended.

another week gone

It really is not a good time of the year for getting things done is it?
I mean, in some areas progress is being made. The house is cleaner, things are being thrown away and cleared out and thats wonderful. The Christmas presents are well on their way to being completed, fantastic. And my child is so happy and delighted by the fact that I can spend seemingly endless amounts of time playing the games which she wants me to play, taking her to the park, or the zoo, or to visit friends, singing a million rounds of old MacDonald had a farm or her recent fav jingle bells, which is so great, I love that she is happy and thriving and loving all the attention that she is getting. There just doesn't seem to be a lot of time to do the things I want to be doing. Like reading, and writing.
I have this funny feeling that not only am I going to fail Nanowrimo this year, but I am also going to fail Nanofimo, lol the year will end and part two will not be complete.

I've just come to realize that the time at which I am most productive, is this one right here...this little space between when I shut everything else down and when I fall asleep. I take my laptop to bed with me on the nights when Simon doesn't go to bed before me. These nights I write furiously until the battery dies (which at the moment is only about 30 minutes if I am lucky/have just turned the darned thing on before I came to bed). It's not a very big window of opportunity, it doesn't leave a lot of time to get my writing done. Could I perhaps bring the power cord with me and take myself to bed sooner? Possibly, maybe I'll try that tomorrow when Simon is out at the LAN party. Are there other times during the day at which I can write in my room that will also be productive??
I think I'll have to run a series of experiments in order to see what exactly makes this work for me, so that I can then expand on that and give myself more optimal writing time.
I love my desk, it's fully set up for writing now, but it just doesn't seem to be working. I think possibly because I sat there for the entire year studying and so thats what my brain is trying to do when I sit there, it's in that frame of mind. Perhaps its the perfect place to do research, a wonderful place to edit and rewrite no doubt, but it doesn't seem to be the place where first drafts are born.....
Maybe if I turned it around, moved it somehow...
Any ideas?

Favorite Photos of the year.

So, as I mentioned yesterday I have been going through our photos to put together some albums for Christmas, and I thought I would share some of my favorite ones. Some of them have been on the blog before and others are more recent so have not been seen before.

Sideshows are cool!!! Never used one before, I shall try not to get carried away with them....

stunned

I passed. Everything. I'm done, finished my degree. And I almost can't believe it!!!!
I was so sure that I was going to fail at least one paper, totally convinced. I'm not even sure it's fully sunken in yet that I actually passed. Wow. I passed.
What a relief!!! I'm free from my degree!!!
Graduation is in the middle of May next year, seems like such a long time away, I think I'll actually go down for it even, get the full experience. I worked my ass off, I should make the most of the celebrations.

In other news. I have been thinking back over my life and kicking myself that I didn't switch from design/multi media to photography back when I was living in Palmy. Kicking myself that I let those skinny, arty, snarky photography girls scare me off it. I love photos (this has all come about because I was putting together some albums to give away at Christmas yesterday), I'll put up some pics from this year that are my all time favourite - definitely made me realize I should start taking photos of things other than Ivy tho! lol she dominates most of them, and not many people are going to love those as much as I do.

December!

Already, it's December, how crazy is that?? While at times the year has felt like it was dragging along incredibly slowly, I am surprised at just how quickly the last few months seem to have gone. It is now:
10 days til my birthday
21 days until Xmas
28 days til the new year
66 days til Ivy's 3rd birthday
76 days til the wedding.

It's going to be a busy few months.

Am getting back into the writing today, and hoping to have the first draft done by the end of the year, though if that doesn't happen I am not going to stress about it. I am really looking forward to getting into rewriting last years nano though and I will not/cannot start on that until after this first draft is out into the world, I don't want to run the risk of not completing it, and even though I am sure that I now have the willpower and drive not to leave it unfinished, you just never know! Best not to tempt fate.

Had a nice weekend, most of which was spent driving, but hey thats life. My cousins wedding was beautiful and gave me some ideas of what I like and what I don't like which will be useful for my own wedding. I missed Ivy bunches, and feel like I spent half the night showing around photos of her. The one Aunt who hasn't met her exclaimed that she really was gorgeous! lol she thinks that all parents say that about their children so didn't really expect it to be the case. Ah well. She is, there is no denying it.
It sounds like everyone is now looking forward to our wedding, which is nice to know, makes me feel more relaxed about the day hearing other people being excited about the things they know about how the wedding will be.

I hope that everyone who managed to make it to a TGIO party had a great time, well done to all those who completed the challenge of Nanowrimo successfully, and to all those who gave it a good shot. Maybe next year I'll be a winner again ;-)

November

Well, this is it, the last day of November, the last day of Nanowrimo. I think I should reach my half nano which is nice, though it has not been an easy month. This last week I have spent a lot of time lying on the floor or in bed due to my back playing up nastily, almost impossible to sit down and I have spent quite a bit of time staring at the ceiling thinking about some kind of contraption I could set my laptop up onto in order to write while lying on my back - I didn't come up with anything feasible! lol but if anyone has any suggestions then let me know, cause I am sure there will be a next time.
The niggles are still working their way out of my back now, and I really hope they disappear for tomorrow - I have to drive to Wellington, and I can't take my pain killers while I'm driving.
Feels so weird thinking that tomorrow my cousin is getting married. It makes my wedding feel a lot closer than it has until now. I just checked, 79 days!!!!!!!!! Time is just flying by, it's going to be 2008 before I know it.
I am thinking about signing up for Nanofimo which happens during December in order to get more of my novel completed, anything would help right, extra motivation seeing as December really is one busy month. But that said, I guess I am a little worried that I might fail that challenge too.
So, I'll sign up... lol can't let silly fears get in the way of my life anymore!

Decisions

So, I have decided to bow gracefully out of Nanowrimo. I would have to work myself pretty hard in order to finish at this point, and while some people have the strength and willpower to do that - I do not. What I do have the strength to say is that this wasn't a good writing month for me, or rather, this wasn't a good month for me to be attempting such a challenge.

I feel like I have now had enough of a breather from exams and the stress of this years study that I can let myself get back into those things which I love and so the aim now is to complete the smaller challenge of 25,000 words in November proposed over on the Kiwiwriters board for those who haven't had the time for the whole 50K. Seeing as that means only 7,000 more odd words then I should be fine! At least this month I will have succeeded at something writerly.

I have been thinking a lot this afternoon, about how hard it has been to motivate myself lately. I fell into this slump since exams have finished, this little world where you know you don't HAVE to do anything, there is nothing demanding your attention directly (other than small child, but I guess I am just so used to filling her needs and demands that it almost doesn't count). There are a lot of things I want to be doing, but just have not felt motivated enough to do.

I would have loved to have finished nano, I would have loved to have my garden totally in order, to have spent hours getting back into painting, to have done the massive house clean I have been dying to do, to read a few novels just for the hell of it, to get down to the beach more, to exercise more, to spend more time catching up with my friends, to have finalized the myriad things which need finalizing for the wedding... and so the list goes on. But what have I been doing? reading blogs, sitting around, watching day time TV, chilling out with my girl, playing games...

So I guess essentially I have been in 'recovery' mode, and thats ok, but it's time I moved on from there into some other kind of stage - unsure exactly what yet, but something that involves more productivity. I'm going to start giving myself smart, achievable lists of things that need doing in the week. Some of them will be a few hour jobs (finish weeding the garden), some of them will be longer term projects (collect shells at the beach for table decorations), and some of them will be attempts to set up habits (take the dog for a walk at least three times! Write for at least one hour a day).

We'll see how it goes. I have ticked two things off this weeks list already and am feeling better for it.

I'm an Aunty!

Little Jasper Kyle was born at 1015am this morning, everyone is healthy and happy though very tired seeing as labor started on Saturday!
So happy, can't wait until I can go and visit. Have been waiting very patiently for his arrival.
It's so exciting, and I am really looking forward to seeing what kind of father my little brother grows into. I know he's going to be a great one, but I also know that you really cannot have any idea how parenthood is going to affect you until it actually happens.
Welcome little one, I love you so much and I have not even laid eyes on you yet.

on not writing.

I haven't been, I think it's been two days since I wrote more than a sprinkling of words on my nano. My wrist is still quite achey and I have been giving it a break, this morning it feels a little better and I will give writing a go today.

it's wednesday right?

I keep losing days, its not much fun. Recently it's been to illness, and before that to beautiful weather - i mean, we are still having beautiful weather I have just managed to found enough restraint not to lose days to it.
The writing isn't going that well - numbers ways anyway. In all other aspects its going fantastically. I find I am still excited about my story, having just discovered how to push forward from where I am. I am about to unleash several new characters into the novel, and that is exciting stuff!! two in particular I am really thrilled about, they may be a bit cliche but they are going to be a lot of fun to write, and will likely cause quite a lot of havoc for my main players - everyone has their place though right, and there is certainly a place for these folk. It's really nice that several individuals from book one are returning this time around when I thought that they would not. There is one big issue that i really need to resolve soon, but that will come up, i just have to be patient and not feel guilty about having avoided it until now....
I managed to get to 17K today which I am happy with. My wrist is aching so I don't think I am going to push it too hard tonight, and hope that in the morning it feels less achey. I bet worries about carpal tunnel used to plague writers, but these days you can have operations, or use voice software I guess. Not that I am saying that I do have that, its just something I worry about with this ache. It hasn't really settled down since I sat all my exams and had to hand write a million essays, and doing all the bead work on some jewelry recently has certainly not helped the situation.
That said, I should stop typing and sleep.... I am sure that will do my wrist, and my brain some good. I hope I dream of my characters and my novel, that would be awesome.

Well

After the excitement of solving issues with my plot, I really didn't get around to writing much. I attained my first goal which was 10K the other night, and only just last night woke Ayden from her coma state.
It's nice to have her back, nice to slip into her skin again, and really nice to see the way in which her relationship with Falen is progressing - I mean, it's not progressing fast but they have this trust and respect, this bond which is hopefully going to be the basis of a beautiful thing regardless of whether they end up together or not (and I do hope that they do...). I am only at 13K words, and I had hoped to hit 20K by the end of the weekend, which only leaves me today. 7,000 words is theoretically totally manageable in one day, but we'll just have to wait and see if I can indeed pull it off.
Ivy has been a bit sick the last few days which has soaked up my time like a sponge, but Simon is off work today and hopefully he can distract her for a bit while I get some writing done, and then this afternoon we are all probably going down to the beach with the rest of the family, and maybe going for a ride in Dad's boat out to see the seal colony, Ivy will love that!
It has been a beautiful weekend weather ways, simply stunning. I am so looking forward to it getting even nicer.
Oh and now it's only two weeks til my cousins wedding! Which means it's just less than two weeks until Nano is done for the year!!! I need to get a haircut, find a dress, some shoes... a hat. I don't own a hat, or really any shoes which are acceptable for weddings lol or a dress I can wear! it I am really looking forward to the wedding, Catherine is going to look stunning, and I can't wait to see her on her big day. Of course, I'll have to take note of all the good ideas to borrow for my own wedding, she's already said she doesn't mind ;-)

Planner or Discoverer?

I read an interesting post in one of the forums on the nano site the other day, from a fantasy author answering questions that people put to him, and in amongst many other gems of information was the idea of planners and discoverers. I hadn't heard of this concept before, and I think it made me feel better about the way in which I write.
Basically there are the people who plan and plan and plan, know all the ins and outs of their story from the beginning who end up with a complete thing - consistent, organize, and not needing too much editing. And there are discoverers who have an idea and begin, they don't do a lot of planning but they just jump into the story, learning about the characters and the situation, the world it takes place in as they write - whew, there we go, thats me! lol while I try and do some planning, I find it a much more interesting process finding things out as I go along... its a joy discovering things about my characters, my world, my story as I go. I think for some reason it gives me the same kind of excitement that reading a book does - you are never quite sure what is going to happen around the corner, while you may know some of the things that are bound to happen in the wider scope. Discoverers he also mentioned tend to have to do more edits and rewrites, as the characters/story that they begun with can develop in ways different to how they may have initially been written at the beginning of the novel, I so hear that, lol I SO have to do that!!! It might be a long drawn out process, but atleast it's fun for me.
He mentioned that most people fall in between these two extremes, and thats bound to be true, there are as many ways to write a novel as there are people who write novels.
Also, I sent the first 10K to my reader in Wellington and he is loving it. 'I'm hooked, wheres my next 10K?' he asks... lol after the weekend, after the weekend.
I was meant to have a massive writing day today seeing as its normally the day which my little one is at childcare all day, but shes home sick with a vomiting bug - not a lot of fun for either of us, and not likely to be productive in many ways. I am still intent on getting to 20K by the end of the weekend, and then I am going to have to push on pretty hard in order to get to 50K by the end of the month. It can be done though, slow and steady... I know I can do it. Not at all worried about the story know as I know everything I need will be made clear in the process. Lovely to have faith in your characters like that.
Hope everyone elses writing is going well! Have been feeling absent from forums and boards lately, I think I'm still recovering from exams, attempting to renew and replenish myself. I am sure that soon I will feel like I have the energy to participate more widely once again.

holy cow!!

Plot problem SO resolved. Wow, I am just so excited!!! It's brilliant, I would never have seen it coming, and I hope that the few people who will read this in December won't have seen it coming either. wow.... I feel so relieved!!!!

OMG!!

Ok, I have finally been hit with a burst of excitement about my story, and it feels so great!
Yes, I know I should be writing that, but I just needed to make a couple notes before I carried on.
So far, my MC has been comatose, she was that way at the end of the last book, and she remains so now. Tonight she's going to be transformed, and shes going to come out of her coma and I get to find out what changes have occurred! thats going to be so exciting don't you think??? Full blooded dragon kin, woot, but what effect with the demons taint have had on her? will she be changed drastically, or remain mostly her old self? or something in between??
I find myself worrying about the small details. Do i even remember what colour her hair was? am i guessing? am i right? lol it's horrible, I should know those details yet they don't normally matter, except they might matter right now, this transformation may very well change her appearance slightly and so the past details are important....
Also, her father isn't dead!!! He was 'dead' for the whole of the first book, no one knows he's alive! I didn't even know, but now... now I do, and I think that he is going to be key in resolving my annoying plot problem. Don't you love it when characters show up that solve everything for you??
Ok, Off to write. Goal for today: Hit 10K and awaken Ayden through her transformation.
If I can pull this bit off, I can do anything.

endings and beginnings

So. Exams over. Degree potentially finished. Yay, right? You'd think so, but it just kind of feels a bit weird. I don't want to go jumping over any moons until I know my results, but at the same time it's amazing that I managed to survive this hellish semester. If in the event I do fail an exam I can take one leisurely paper next semester and all will be well.
On the other hand, I am meant to be launching myself into NaNo, and I am finding that quite hard at the moment. I really do want to write this story, I want to know what happens, I love my characters, and am excited by it. But I'm feeling flat as well, and like I have earned some kind of break, time off, a rest, and it means I am finding it quite hard to get full on into my writing - which is what I really need to do at this point if there is to be any hope of me crossing that 50K line by the time the end of November rolls around.
So, without further procrastinating, I shall go forth and write some utter crap in order to boost that flailing word count... wish me well.

finality

It's weird ya know. I mean, I have my last exam this morning, possibly really truly my LAST exam that will have anything at all to do with this particular degree. I hesitate to say my last ever because I know myself and am sure that at some point I'll continue to study and so therefore there will be other exams. But providing I pass all the ones I have already done this last week, and the one I am going to sit in a couple hours, I'm done. Degree complete.
How weird is that?? You work at something for so long (and I mean SO long considering the 1st eight papers were part time over several years, the second two full time, so maybe 5 years total?) and then all of a sudden you have reached the end.
Do I feel smarter? Do I feel like I have knowledge I could apply? Some of the time I don't think so, but then someone will come to me with a problem and I'll just say things, and they walk away feeling better for it, more able to deal with their situations with some good goals in place and having their load a little lighter. Which is really nice, but I think I used to do that before, I am pretty sure that was part of why I went down the psychology path - I guess more than anything it gives people better peace of mind knowing that I 'almost' have a degree in psychology?
Ah well, either way, hopefully after this morning my degree will be finished, though I won't know for sure until sometime in December. I'm not ready for this exam, but I don't know how to be ready for it, so we'll just have to hope that I know enough. I am not placing any bets on passing them all, I think there are one or two that could be a little touch and go, but then I always think that and we should know by now that its best just to NOT think until you have the results right there in front of you. At least this years hard work will be over with and I can kick back and get into my Nano once and for all.
Oh and my wedding dress arrived over the weekend, it's beautiful! needs a little adjustment, but it really is lovely. Very happy with it, and would have no qualms about ordering anything through them, not that I should need to. Always a little risk involved in ordering a dress through a trademe store, but their goods are pretty awesome so it's fine by me.

I should get back to studying... this exam is not going to get a pass by itself.

5k in

And feeling pretty good about the story now. I was so surprised that I managed to get there last night! 1155pm, lol tired this morning, but happy. I always find the beginnings hard, but now that I have cracked than and am into the story I feel so much better. I still don't know exactly whats going to happen which is cool, but I know more than I did yesterday. I even had the second MC puzzling out the plot problems I was having to see if he could think of a good reason, but it's still a mystery to him and to me - I am sure eventually we will crack the code!!

no go

So, I'm not going to reach 5K today, it's jsut not going to happen. I AM however going to try and hit 4k before i totally crash out tonight. Its been a long day, it has. One of my best mates had her 3rd baby boy today, so I spent about an hour up at the hospital with her and her little one tonight. Was very cool to catch up, and due to the time I mostly had them to myself which was nice. Did make me a bit clucky again tho! I can wait til after the wedding, I can, I mean there are only a couple months to go.
Starting to actually get into my story now, things are moving along a little better and I am having some fun with it finally! feels like it took a long time, even though word wise it didn't. Can only hope I get some more time tomorrow to do more catch up stuff, as I need to start getting into prep for my final exam - read: finish the last months course work so I actually have a clue!

I have been challenged!

I have.... lol and stupidly, I think I accepted it!!!
He said I was being lazy.... and that if I wrote 5k today he'd change his mind. SO... 5K. If I was at my writing peak, and could get through it uninterupted that would take like... *calculates*.. just under 2 hours. But, I am at the beginning of the story, and I have a small child and a fiance lurking around the house. So we'll see. This afternoon I am free, so I am going to try and get everything else that needs doing done this morning so that I can focus on that new goal.
He was right tho. I was being lazy. I mean, breaks are important, and I got a fantastic nights sleep, and I feel heaps better today, but I could easily have gotten through another K last night, so now, to repent lol.

wooohooo one to go!

I am feeling SO much better right now. The fourth exam was the best so far, even though i don't know how I will do on it. It was the one which applied the most knowledge rather than just requiring we reguritate the things we had read - which is so nice!!
I'm not doing any more study today, in fact I probably won't do any tomorrow either, which leaves four days in which to study like a mad girl, and thats plenty. I need a break, need to regenerate, get some energy back - to breathe!!! And to write.
The Gods know I am far enough behind on my word count... Tonight though, maybe, I can get some more in - I failed miserably at getting to 2k in the weekend, but I might give getting to 3K a shot tonight!

Sunday

My brain feels like it's recovering a little today. Which is a good thing. I managed to prep the first section of tuesdays exam last night and will work my way through the other two at some point today - or maybe tomorrow's exam, I'm not sure. There isn't really enough time to do everything I'd like to.
I should NOT have played WoW yesterday morning..... But I really just wanted to get my little shadow priest to 40, shadow form rocks! Now if I can get more study done, get my nano to 2,000 words (ish) and have a good time at both the birthday party this morning and the baby shower this afternoon all will be well. I'll definitely have had my quota of family time after this weekend though.
I guess it's just that time of the year. Christmas parties will start happening soon, the weather will get nice again (it's raining today, lovely), there will be BBQ's and picnics to go to, and lots of things happening around town. It is a good time of the year yes, but a little draining for me sometimes. I quite like to have a bit of space, a bit of peace and quiet and thats hard enough to come by in my own home with a small child let alone out in the world! lol.
I'm really keeping my fingers crossed that I am going to have the energy for Nano. At the moment it doesn't really feel like it.... this is the hardest I have studied possibly ever, and I really hope it pays off, but it does mean I am tired all the time, and whats worse I can't seem to stop waking up around 6am - whats with that???

2 down 3 to go!

And I even managed to start my nano last night.
Man. I feel SO much better after getting yesterdays exam out of the way. It wasn't easy, but I did it and I might even pass woohoo. I'm definitely satisfied that I did the best I could, that I put in a huge amount of effort in preparing for it and I couldn't have done a better job than I did - so even if I fail, I know I did the best I can, and thats an important thing.
It's a busy weekend this one, with 3 'functions' of sort across the two days - which doesn't really leave a lot of time for writing, or for study. So I have pretty much set my goal at reaching 2,000 words on my nano by the end of the weekend, which should have me feeling more in touch with the story again and have me back on track. At the moment it's a lot of waffling (which is a terrible thing to say seeing as it's less than 800 words at the moment) but I feel like it's mostly bits I will cut out anyways, but bits that are important for me so that I know where I'm going and I know I am on track - kind of like that those particular words are ones which really belong in the first book built solidly into the story line, shown not told, but haven't been so this is where they are going to live for now. Post it notes written into my story lol.
Anyways, by the time I logged off for the night I felt like I was beginning to get back into it, but realized that there was a lot of stuff that needs expanding on in the first book. I am writing the second as if I have already edited the first, which will make it a bit odd for those who will read both before either has had an edit but oh well!!! It's a process, and one which I am just going to run with for now.
I'm not getting excited about it just yet - it's too early to. I can't afford to until after my fourth exam, and even then I have to keep it in check so that I really get to work on finishing the course material for my 5th and final exam. I'm a month behind, mostly because I had assignments due every other day for the last official bit of the course and then I had to start organising for exams - I seriously don't recommend that ANYONE takes 5 papers in a semester, it's insane, you just don't want to do it, trust me.
Ok, I should go and start the day properly. Set up my exam prep for the day, wake my child, feed every creature in the house, begin.
Best of luck for everyones writing over the weekend!

tired

I am SO tired.
Yesterdays exam went ok, one of the essays was actually a bit hairier than I thought it was going to be but thats ok, it's done now. Todays exam... well, I am looking forward to it even less today than I was yesterday.
I got about 5 and a half hours sleep, my eyes are sore, my head is sore. And I still have a couple chapters to work my way through before I feel anywhere near ready for this exam!!! Fingers crossed everyone that enough information has stuck to make sitting the exam worthwhile.
Thanks for all the luck that has been sent my way, it is really really appreciated.

I think tonight I'll be getting an early night, not doing any study for the Monday/Tuesday exams and maybe doing a little bit of writing before I pass out.

one hour!!

I am SO excited!!
It's sick
It's twisted
I know this..
But I can't help it!
One hour til i sit my first exam!!!!

hand writing.

Mine is terrible, even under the best of circumstances. Right now, it's getting even worse.
I have spent the last couple days writing out screeds of notes for my exam tomorrow, and it only just hit me now that my hand is already beginning to hurt.
I'm not used to writing by hand, I'm used to typing. And my hand is complaining about just how much work I have been making it do. And I'm not done yet, there are many many more pages of notes to be written before I get into that exam tomorrow.
I could type them up, but there is something about this kind of information though that means it just doesn't stick unless i physically write it onto paper. Even then it'll be touch and go... we'll have to wait and see if it pays off.
People are finding it strange that I'm not prepping for todays exam... lol it's open book. Enough said.
Tomorrow is the exam to worry about. The one I got my worst assignment marks for, the one I can barely remember a thing about, the one which while so incredibly interesting just slips from my mind as soon as I close the book. It is genuinely interesting, the paper co-ordinator is passionate about the paper, he is brilliant and wonderful with replying to questions and ponderings no matter which aspect of the paper it is about. And I haven't utilised him nearly enough. I think if I had had no other papers to do, I'd be doing a lot better in this one, but I had 4 others this semester, and not nearly enough time.

I can't believe it's almost all done though, not long now, and I am done with this, for the year, fingers crossed it will be for several more years to come. Stunning.

hm

It feels like Tuesday. I don't know why... but it does. Simon worked Saturday morning which made Saturday kind of feel like Friday, and Sunday feel like Saturday, but that doesn't account for why today feels like Tuesday....
I've been studying. Well, more working through lots of multi choice questions from past exams. The wonderful thing is that they do recycle them, so some of them are bound to come up and now - well, now I know the answers! I just have to hope that I've managed to trap sufficient information in my brain in order to pass everything. Tomorrow I start preparing for the essay questions. For the first time ever, at least half of the papers have indicated an approximate length for these essays, most tutors refuse to comment on it (one this year stating that you should write as much or as little as it takes to answer the question, fantastic... you know sometimes you could answer a question with 5 words, I am pretty sure that wouldn't get me a pass tho). 1-2 pages seems about right, which is fantastic because thats all I ever seem to be able to manage!!!

exam prep

has stolen my brain...
It really feels like that at times. I'll have been studying hard and someone will say something to me and I just can't understand the words coming out of their mouth. Someone said vengeful to me and i heard ventral. The brain, oh my the brain... I'm thinking it, but I don't actually believe I'll remember it on the day, there are just so many names to remember, and locations, and purposes, and actions. Bleh. My wonderful fiance has told me not to stress too much, if i fail this one paper I shouldn't worry about it - I only took it cause it was the only paper that fit in with the rest of my year, I could take one next year and that would be fine. It's nice to have little reassurances like this, makes me feel less like I might break if I fail. I mean, I haven't failed anything before at uni, so fingers crossed I will scrape through this time.

I got back a copy of my SoCNoc that I emailed down to a friend in welli, he printed it off, bound it up and went through scrawling comments every where, it's fantastic! What's even better is that his girlfriend went through and did the same, so I have not one but TWO sets of comments! Their feedback was exactly what I was looking for, it's so helpful, pin points all the little changes that need to be made, consistency errors, little plot problems and confirmed that there is a lot more that needs to go into the story. I think it's going to grow in a big way with a rewrite, VERY exciting! But I have to write part 2 before then. So I have been making notes on all the things I have thought of for book 1 so that I can slot them into book 2 hopefully.

Anyways... grumpy child is demanding I go and do something...

Long weekends

This one seemed longer than usual. We went over to Rotorua to stay with the inlaws, and man.... what a long trip! I mean, it's only around 4 hours, but they are some long hours when you have a small child who doesn't like to sit still for more than ten minutes at a time in the backseat of the car. Poor thing, I felt so bad about it, though she did have a good time once she had had enough sleep to recover from the trip. Her and her cousins get along so well, it's just awesome considering they only see each other maybe a couple times a year.
The whole experience was generally more enjoyable than I find it, which is a nice change, I must be finding my place in the family or something because it's certainly getting easier. That said, I am very glad to be home, in my own bed, with my own animals, having my own space (and the ability to get on the computer whenever i want to!).
Today I am working on finishing the text book for another paper - because after that I can get into exam prep. I still have one more paper which isn't officially finished yet, but that is going to have to wait until the weekend I think. We'll see how the weeks study prep goes anyways, the exam is 6 days after my second to last exam and while I will also be writing frantically in that period, I am sure I can work on finishing off whatever needs finishing in that space as well.

There are still two challenges on Kiwiwriters that I signed up for and do not think I am going to be able to complete - I think thats just life though. If I do get the chance to finish I will, but I just don't see it happening from where I am sitting right now, exams need to take priority, and it's not long til they arrive and are all over wooohooo!!!
Ok, better go and eat something, I had heaps of sleep last night but still feel so very tired, long trips, long weekends, man they can really take it out of ya.

final assignment complete

Hooray! It feels like such a relief, to finally have it done. Home stretch to read all the final parts of the text books and get into actual exam prep.
It seems further away now, Nov 1. But I know it's not, it's just that there is one less thing for me to do now.
We're off to Rotorua for the weekend for Simon's parents 25th wedding anniversary. I'm going to need to spend some good chunks of the weekend in study, but that's ok, I am sure they will understand - they'll have to, I don't have another options, there is no extra time I can just create for catching up.
I hope Ivy travels ok, she didn't enjoy the trip much last time, and I can't say I blame her, so hopefully this time will go a little better - by the trip I mean the actual driving part, the rest of it was fine.
So, I realise I just said that Nov 1 seems further away now - funnily enough other things are seeming closer.
I get to start thinking about my novel after my first four exams, and thats pretty exciting - I think I am going to have to hold off starting Nano til the evening of the 6th, it's the smart thing to do, and I can catch up, I've proven before that I am capable.
My cousins wedding is on the 1st of December - I still have to arrange accommodation, a gift, something to wear (I better buy some shoes!), then there are Christmas gifts to organise, Christmas day to make arrangements for.
After exams I need to contact our celebrant so we can start organising our wedding ceremony, write our vows, that kind of thing - and I am sure there are many other wedding related things that are going to start needing to be organised as well.
And I need to get a massage, after exams again. My body is so achey and sore from being stressed for so long, I know it will make me sick, but it needs to be done. Oh and a hair cut, and get my eyelashes tinted to see how it looks to decide whether I will get that done for the wedding or not - I'm a cryer, lol I really don't want make up running all over the place on the day
Maybe I'll make a list, lists are fun!

2 weeks to go!

For a variety of things - Nano, and exams. Getting closer every day.
I have now completed 3/5 papers, and by the end of this new week I should have 4/5 papers complete and my final assignment done as well. Then I just have to finish the last paper... and I can prep for exams!!
It's kind of exciting to think that in one month all my study and exams will be over - hopefully for good for awhile. I could be graduating next year, finally!!! Even though I won't know for sure that I passed until well into December, it will feel good just having everything done for the year and knowing that I can get onto the other exciting things like writing the second part of ASHE for Nano, and organizing more wedding things, oh and thinking up ideas for christmas presents as well, hopefully making them again this year, got a few ideas but we will just have to wait and see what works out!
I'm feeling pretty optimistic about everything at the moment, and thats a good space for me to be in right about now.

We went out for dinner for Simon's bday last night, was really nice, actually we had a really great day, pretty relaxed, doing lots of fun things. Hopefully there will be many more days like that after things have settled down.
He's at work at the moment, got called in... which is great moneywise, lol I just wish it had happened before I started cooking the roast. Family roasts aren't much fun when 1/3rd of the family isn't home. Just gotta keep thinking - the money is all going to a good place, it's a good thing.

I'm really looking forward to starting Nano. I'm just waiting to get some more feedback on part one of the story, and I am sure it will be helpful for when I start my nano piece. There are still 3 challenges I need to get done before November as well - though if I don't manage it, then that's ok as well. I do need to accept that I have other very important exam things coming up, and that most of my time should be focused on them for now....

Our internet is still pretty bad at the moment as well, over 70 disconnections today... lol i think this week is averaging out to be about 35 per day... if they don't get it sorted soon we're going to switch providers, go to someone who actually seems like they care.

stress

Despite the fact that the worst of the assignments are over with, that now there is simply the lead up to exams - I feel more stressed than before. I do still have one assignment to go, and I still have 4 papers that I need to finish the reading for before I can prep. We have to go to Rotorua over Labour Weekend. The weather is crappy, I am tired, my little girl is driving me batty with constant talk - I need some time out. If only it was that easy.

wahoo

last big assignment done, posted by 1.05pm this afternoon, well before the final clearance of 2.30pm. Feels so great to have it done, but I also feel very very tired. I only managed to stay up til 11.30 last night on it, and then had to finish it off this morning. I think I'll give myself the rest of the day off study related things and get back into some course work over the weekend.
Not really able to get into the prelim challenge just yet as we have a guest, but soon enough! This month is going to roll by so fast, I can just tell.
Though that means I can now get excited about the things I've been putting off major excitement about such as exams and my course being completed, nano and the wedding!

such delicious distractions....

I had forgotten just how easy it is to waste time meandering through the nano forums.... and that was last year without the slow speeds that it's ticking along at right now, overloaded with eager people.
Since signing up last night I have made a few posts, checked some threads almost religiously, and thought about writing a lot. But I haven't done any yet lol.
I still have one assignment to finish, it's due in on Friday and I don't feel stressed about it which is great - probably the reason is because I am so terribly distracted by nano and november and all things to come.
So exciting.
I really had better get into this assignment though. I have a friend coming to stay for about a week and I know that it's going to be hard getting things done with her here, not that I mind her being here, it was only really decided on this morning though so I didn't have much time to prepare!

Nanowrimo

Waiting waiting waiting to be able to sign up for this years event.
At least I know that by the time we get back from dinner at Mum's place I'll be able to do it, yay!
I just finished my first read through of me piece from SoCNoC. Wow, so exciting, so many possibilities and opportunities, so much to write.... and I just can't wait to find out what will happen! Roll on November I say.
I have to keep in mind that my final exams are at the start of the month as well though. Which I know is going to be exceedingly hard. The first four are out of the way during the first week of November which is something at least, I am sure I can get some writing in between the 6th and the 12th, I managed it during SoCNoC and I managed it during last years Nano as well.
No homework done today, but I feel that it was well spent reading through this part of the novel and reaquainting myself with these characters, reminding myself of the changes that need to be made. It's going to be really interesting editing it, though I have said that will have to wait until after last years nano has gone through the wringer...
Hopefully having more time next year for my writing will mean I can develop a solid system of dividing my time between writing and editing, or I'm going to end up with 12 unedited novels for every novel thats been given a proper inspection/edit/rewrite.
Does any one know of any guidelines for this kind of thing online? Resources that suggest how long should be spent on the editing process compared to the first writing?
I know everyone works at different speeds, and has strengths which lie in different areas but some general thoughts would be good. I might have to go hunting in a few days time, after this next assignment is finished.

Death comes to all

thats what they say.
it came to a girl I knew yesterday, she died in her sleep during the night. Apparently she woke, took two breaths and then just died. Her partner was there beside her, he tried to get her to breath again, the ambulance tried as well but no one could. No cause is known. How scary is that, to know that someone just died in their sleep, she was only 27, I'm going to be 27 soon. What can cause someone to just pass over like that with no apparent reason?
A friend called me last night to tell me. I was so stunned, it was just as I had been going to bed myself, though it was during the night before that she had passed. I lay in bed after getting off the phone, wondering how that must have felt. To be asleep, to wake and then for everything to just disappear. Did she know that those two breaths were the last she was going to breathe? Did they taste differently? Did she have any idea? Was she afraid of what was to come? Had she been dreaming anything in those last minutes?
I didn't know her well enough to call her my friend, but I have known her for several years. And she was a vibrant person, a lot of fun to be around when I did see her at our mutual friends parties and other occasions. She always had this way of including me, which I always really appreciated. She was going to come to my wedding with my friend, and now she can't.
Peace be Ella, you will be missed.

one month

Til exams start woohooo!
So I didn't get a lot done at all over the weekend.... I mean, really I didn't. I really needed a break from assignment writing and that is what I did.
I do feel a lot better for it, and a lot less stressed despite the fact that I now have even less time in which to do the same amount of work that I had left to do on Friday. Funny how that happens isn't it?
I finished Shaman's Crossing, book one in the soldier son trilogy by Robin Hobb. I initially had trouble getting into it but am totally hooked and waiting on a friend to courier me the second and third books now - which should hopefully arrive in time for me to celebrate having these godawful assignments out of the way.
I also started reading my SoCNoC novel. It's actually pretty good so far! lol and I feel like I have left it long enough to have that much needed distance from it, so that I can see it for what it is and isn't. As I'm writing part 2 for nano, and setting up to do the prelim challenges this month I thought it was to get back into the story in order to better resolve the plot issues I know are there before November and Nanowrimo roll around. I also today emailed it to a friend in wellington to have a read over and give me his ideas, it will all help!
And with that, I should away... and get into this assignment. I have a plan now, and my head feels about 95% more together and onto it than it did on Friday, so wish me luck! Hopefully I can report back later that I have successfully completed my mission of finishing assignment 2, assessment of individual differences by tonight.

yay friday!

You know, the weekends DO actually mean something when your significant other doesn't work them, unfortunately/fortunately this means that I can spend heaps of time assignment writing this weekend, interspersed with family oriented fun.
I finished one assignment on.... Wednesday night. About 8pm, it definitely felt good. I spent all of yesterday reading the research required for writing the final of these three assignments and wrote the introduction to it last night. So thats where I stand, my two 4000 word assignments have beginnings, but not much more just yet.
Fridays little one spends at daycare though, so it means I will have the whole day to get into these assignments, and attempt to be as undistractable as possible. I need to have.... well, I'm going to set my goal at 1000 words on my Abnormal and Therapeutic Psych piece, and to add 1000 words to my Assessment of Individual Differences piece. This will leave me with.... 2500 left to write for Assessment.... and 3000 words left to write for Abnormal, and all of the weekend in which to do it.
I am most interested in the Abnormal one, so it would be really easy to just get totally stuck into that and finish it off. Unfortunately the other one is due in before abnormal, which means I have to make sure its finished by Monday for posting, to ensure that it makes it into Massey for it's Wednesday due date - sometimes being an extramural sucks lol.

On a much more happy note though, I am ordering my wedding dress today :-) It is terribly exciting, really it is. It should arrive after exams, and that will be perfect timing really as long as it doesn't serve to derail my nano writing.

Which brings me to the other piece of happy. Yay for member challenges!!! I signed up for this one , and it has gotten me really even more amped about finishing these assignments, because that means I can do some writing!!!! I am so looking forward to getting back into the world I began during SoCNoC and writing the second book (which is really the second half of the first book, but they are quite separate in ways). There are a few things which I know I am going to write about during this challenge, back story, history, important stuff which is going to be incredibly relevant to the second book, so exciting.

Now I just need to finish these assignments....

And it's almost day light savings time as well! Which means that these 620am starts I have begun are going to be incredibly useful for next week. The weather is getting better, it's warmer (at least during the days, nights are freezing at the moment!), it's just such a good time of the year.

Ok, better start on what I should be doing, the sooner they are done, the sooner I can write!!!

one week, too short.

So, I realised this morning that I really only have a week to complete 2.5 assignments. Two of which are about 4000 words, and the other which needs another 1.5k. That's a lot of words, on assignments, in such a short space of time.
I'm not sure I am up to the challenge. I know I can do it, I'm just worried about the quality.
I have had all my research done for ages, it's simply a matter of putting fingers to keyboard and trying to make sense of all the information floating around inside my head. I've never written a 'critical' essay for a psychology paper, so I am a little worried about that. And I have never written a literature review either, more reasons for worry.
But I can't let that worry grow and overwhelm me, and by the gods it's threatening to. One word at a time right? Start somewhere, make it happen, break it down into sections, allocate a certain number of words per section.... I know all the methods for making it seem like a less daunting task, but at the back of my mind I still know that there is a lot to be done, and not that much time to do it in.

one more down..

Still a few to go, but atleast I am getting closer!

Winners

We are! lol, it's so weird, but cool. Got home from picking Ivy up from daycare and Simon up from work and we had a call. We won a brand new dryer from the local four square! They dropped it off within a half hour of calling, it's fantastic!
Our old one died probably two years ago, but it's still sitting in the laundry, so I'll have to do a shift around tomorrow and switch them over, but wow! I didn't think this kind of thing actually happened!
It's been a pretty good day in general, got into my assignment writing today and I am fairly confident I can finish it off this week, along with most of another one by the end of the weekend. Feels good, feels like I am on track.

drunk post

It had to be done some time.
I'm not really drunk, but I have had a couple glasses of wine.
It's so funny, lol I just feel super relaxed and it's been such a wonderful day.
I'm all warm and fuzzy, it's a nice feeling.
Anyways, off to cuddle my wonderful boyfriend, ops, I mean fiance, and watch Bowling for Columbine.

yay!

feeling sooooo much better today.
Decided to hell with everything else, I was just going to chill out and spend some time playing with Ivy and going with the flow, and we've had a really great day. She is so funny, and so much fun, even more so when I'm not occupied thinking about all the other things I should be doing. I am now even more looking forward to summer and just being able to hang out with her and enjoy life (and write lol).
She's still really madly in love with the webcam lol I turn it on and she watches herself do all sorts of things, ripping up paper, jumping on the bed in here, singing, playing, anything lol she loves being the centre of attention. I don't know how many times a day she says to me 'look at me mama, look at me!'.
I'm really just so happy today, lol Simon can text me from work which I love, and he can email as well, which he will probably start doing soon lol like, when his cell credit runs out. I was looking back today on all the emails we used to send to each other, some before we got together and quite a few after. Such good times, lol I miss having that kind of contact with him and am really looking forward to getting it back.
And I cannot wait to be his wife. I am so looking forward to marrying him, to us officially being a family, to adding to that family as well . Bliss.

well

This morning started out terribly, I was a total blithering mess for the greater part of it.
I think (think) I have mostly managed to pull myself out of it, and lets hope that it lasts! As I have said several times today - there is just too much to do to fall apart right now.
I know that what I could really do with is writing, creatively, for even a little while. But I am not sure I can force myself to stop cleaning/doing homework for long enough to write. Maybe later tonight, when the little one is asleep and the house is quiet and tidy.
I always feel like I am putting writing off lately, and I have to keep telling myself that no, it's not really putting it off, it's just that there are other things that need my focus first and foremost. I just hope that's the truth, I really do, and that once all this study mess is over writing can once again dominate my spare time.
I'm pretty sure it's the case, but I guess that is a natural fear to have. It was kind of like my fear after Nano - that I only had one 'novel' in me, that I might not be able to do it again and I was so happy that I proved myself wrong on that one with SoCNoC, and I am sure I will prove it again with NaNo'07.
Anyways, I better go and finish mowing the lawn before it rains.
And the day started out so sunny.

Roll on daylight savings....

Seriously, I feel like everyone but me (and Simon) has already adjusted to daylight savings, weeks before it's begun. I'm sick of animals and children waking me up before 6am, I just want to get my sleep....
It's so light here at that time of the day though, and the birds are being all noisy, I can hardly blame them for thinking that it's the right time to start bugging me, if only they could all just get up and feed themselves... ahhh now that would be bliss.
The reality is though, that if it wasn't for all the things making noise at me at that time of the day, I'd probably be totally ready to get up. There is just something about creatures needing things from you which sometimes makes you want to hide. I often forget to have breakfast til about 10, simply because I'm feeding Ivy and the animals, getting her changed and dressed, washing the dishes, organizing the house and everything else.
It's tiring sometimes. Today, I'm tired. And I have an essay to write.

Change

Well today is Simon's last day at his current job, he'll have his first weekend off in months and months this weekend, the first of many more to come.
It seems weird, I think it will probably feel that way for awhile. New days of work, new hours of work, new pay period to adjust to. It really kind of feels like it's an 'end of an era' type thing, although I am not sure it warrants that much emphasis. But our whole lives are going to change because of this, I can feel that, I just don't know the details lol.

one down

four to go!!
Feels good to know that atleast one is finished, and only a day and a half past the deadline I had set for myself. Now to move onto the next one and hopefully get it completed next week. I feel like if I can get that one and the next done by the end of next week then there is a chance I can get the other two done and even pass all of them. Passing is the goal, I had to remind myself of that today when I got the results of one of my other assignments. It was a B, nothing to get upset about, but I didn't feel like I had done well enough.
Reminder to self - you aren't planning to do masters anymore, you're not studying next year, and it doesn't matter what your grades are as long as you pass.

Roll on Summer

I'm beginning to feel like it's coming, which is so nice, I had no idea I would feel this way about its approach. Perhaps it's because I know now I won't have to spend all my time looking for a part time job that will fit in with everyone else, I can just enjoy things as they come.
I'm so looking forward to a multitude of BBQ's on the deck, a cold beer in the afternoon, hours spent at the beach, many swimming trips, trying to teach Ivy how to make daisy chains on the lawn, showing her the joys of kite flying. I mean, this is going to be one amazing summer, I can just feel it.

Sex

Now that I have your attention... no, not really, I AM going to talk about sex.
Not the sex you actually have, but sex in books, in stories, in poems, in any kind of writing.
How much is too much? Are there some genres which just shouldn't have sex in them? Should sex, at least explicit sex be relegated to romance and erotica? What makes it explicit and what kind of sex is considered OK in any old book, if any?
I would love to hear some opinions on this, but I know I have a very small audience lol but feel free to make your comments!! I would love to hear them.
There is the age old adage that 'sex sells', is this simply in TV, movies, advertising, music, primarily visual things - or does this count for the written word as well?
Romance/erotica have some very big markets in the world, massive, which would suggest that there is definitely a market for sex/love. But does this extend beyond?
Is sex still dirty?
I guess the reason why this springs to mind is because a lot of my stories have sex in them. Not all, but a lot, and even if it's not actually written sometimes it's implied. I don't consider it to be over the top, or explicit, or unnecessary, it just happens, much as it happens in the real world.
My characters are people, with real relationships and couples who have sex, teenagers who are experimenting and learning about their bodies and the opposite sex.
I'd like to think that I don't just write it in just to spice things up, I'd like to believe that this is just how my stories turn out sometimes. I don't know if that says something about me, or nothing at all, but it's interesting to think about.
So I guess an interesting experiment would be for me to take a story with sex and rewrite it without and see how they differ. I think that is something I'll do, though obviously not until after my assignments are all done, and I even think I'll post it here and see if I can get some feedback on it.
Sex probably isn't necessary in a lot of stories, but I think the kind of stories I like to tell are about characters who have connections, and sometimes those connections need to be expressed in other ways. Sometimes a hug, or a gaze, or a peck on the cheek simply doesn't fulfill the requirements I have. It's never what the story is about, it's just something that happens along the way. And I don't see a problem with that, to me it's much the same as someone going to the toilet, or having a shower, or taking out the garbage. It's something humans do, and I include a wide spectrum of what humans do in the things I write.
I do sometimes wonder whether this will affect my ability to get published. Does it decrease my chances? What percentage of a book is it ok to write about that kind of stuff in?
I'd think it takes up maybe.... 5% in my last nano, which isn't much, but it's still there. And my SoCNoC... well, there is no sex as yet, but there is a connection which will probably lead to an encounter in the second half of the book, and I have no idea what will happen with that. I wouldn't want to take that out though, I feel like it would change the essence of the story, it would lessen the impact of these characters relationships.
So, next month, I'll complete this challenge. Write a story with sex and rewrite it without and see how it changes things.
And if all else fails, take up writing romance.

I had a dream

And in that dream, I was writing essays...in fact, I am pretty sure that when I awoke it was with some academic statement about childhood sexual abuse.
I spent 3 hours last night sitting on the floor, printing out article upon article, research study upon research study.
The upshot is that I now have pretty much all the information that is required for all of my upcoming assignments, the downside is that the particular assignment I was researching for last night is the one thats due in last, and it pushed all the information out of my head about the assignment which I am meant to be writing right now, as I sit here writing this.
I have started, I have 54 words, lets not think about the fact that I still need another 2446 *hopes she did her math right*.
I sometimes think that the same approach I have with my creative writing is applicable to my academic writing.
There is this preparation period where I gather information/ideas, I read, I make notes, I think, I dwell, but I don't do any actual writing. I sit on all of these things, sometimes I don't even spend a lot of time thinking about them consciously, but I know that it's all fermenting, all the ingredients have been placed in my brain its just a matter of giving it the right amount of time to brew.
And then will come the time when I am actually ready to sit down and get started. This generally works best when it is a time I have chosen for myself, when I can honestly say 'I am ready' - this is no longer an option though when it comes to this semesters assignments. I can only hope that enough fermenting has gone on that the end product will be passable.
On the other hand with my creative writing, usually the imposed start time is a far off distant point, and I would probably feel ready to sit down and start writing well before the event comes around, I actually think by making me wait longer to begin in these cases I end up producing better work. More ideas spring up, more details and I have a better idea of where I am going when I finally get that sweet release and am able to release the story thats been captive in my mind for so long.
If only assignments were spread far enough apart to allow for proper brain fermenting. Ah well, I can only do what I can do, and I had better go and get to it.

Kiwiwriters staff meeting this afternoon, am really looking forward to it! Fiance suggested I skip it in order to get more quality essay writing time because little one is at her nana's but no, not a chance!!! lol

Friday, glorious Friday.

I don't often feel that way, being that Simon works weekends and I always have study to do and little one to take care of, the weekend is just another two days like any other two days. But for some reason, this Friday it actually feels like a Friday.
Perhaps it's because the sun is out and the weather has been just stunning today (and fingers crossed, knocking on wood, looks like it will hold for the weekend). Perhaps it's because I am relatively up to date with my course work and I feel like I can get through everything in time. Perhaps it's because I did submit that piece and I don't feel nearly as anxious about it as I thought I might (which isn't to say that I feel confident, or happy, or anything else about it, just not anxious, not worrying). It might even be that for almost a week now I have been getting to bed before 11pm and having a full nights sleep... heaven forbid.
It doesn't really matter, lol I feel good, I feel happy, I feel calm and satisfied and it is nice. Really nice.
I think I might do some writing over the weekend, after I have this next assignment kicked off to a fine start. I am pretty sure it's even going to be on Dream dark, dream deadly. Or maybe I'll make some notes for the continuation of the 'sci-fi' story I posted on here a little while ago, either way, I feel like I have enough head space to write, like the frantic desperation of the last few weeks has dissipated some and I can think and breathe and do the things I just really love to do again, without having to stress about the things I know I should be doing.

'cause bears sleeping.

This is the new statement in our house. It's Ivy's, but we are using it now as well, she interjects it randomly in conversation, sometimes followed by 'up the fireplace' I'm not entirely sure where this idea of a bear sleeping in our fireplace came from but it seems like it is here to stay.

The week is going by too fast, there is still a fair amount of stuff to do and I am not really sure if I'm going to get it done. It's kind of weird, I thought I had more time, but the 17th is just around the corner and from there its assignment hell until the 6th of October (actually, make that the 1st, I'll have to have everything in the post by then, or resort to faxing). They go like this: 17th, 28th Sep, 1st, 3rd, 5th Oct. Then the final one is due Oct 19th, then exams 1st, 2nd, 5th, 6th and 2th of November. All these dates.....

I've been reading some of the recommended authors for one of the romance lines I was considering writing for. I think I need to find a couple others so that I can discover what kind of variety there is. I've never been a big romance reader, there were an occasional few back in high school that my friend loaned me, but I guess I just never really got into them in the way she did. I'm currently asking myself whether I can write that way, it will be an interesting challenge I think.
My friend and I are each going to write a novel for a line and submit it, I have my idea, it's just a matter of finding the time to write it (next year obviously, though she is doing hers for Nano). I need to read a lot more of that style novels before then to get my head in the right space I think.
Would I feel like having something published in that area was an accomplishment? Or will I only really feel fulfilled if I get something published in one of the areas I love to write the most?
That said though, I haven't done 'romance' before so I may yet enjoy it, and I wouldn't really know what genre to pin myself under most of the time anyways. I've written some urban fantasy, some sci-fi, some horror, some straight fantasy, some contemporary stuff, and I am not sure which I would say I am best suited to. I guess once I have started submitting I'll find out?
On the note of submitting, I am planning to submit something tomorrow, lol it's via email so that makes life easier, but I still have to polish the piece up, it needs some changes and I'm not sure it's going to be exactly where I want it to be when tomorrow rolls around. I guess it will depend on how my homework goes today.

Which I should probably get going and get onto.

holy hell

I just realized, fully, that this is the last day of August. That means there is just two little months to go before exams. Two small months before Nanowrimo rolls around....
Part of me thinks I should just give up here and now, there is no way I am going to get everything done before then. There are still thousands of pages worth of readings to finish, 7 assignments to write, 5 exams to prep for, one trip to Rotorua for several days, a shift in lifestyle to due my loves career change, one little girl who needs my love and attention, wedding invites to design and put together and part two of a novel to plan so that I can get right into it after my exams finish on the 12th of November. And thats not even mentioning any and all of the things that could/will just crop up over the next few weeks, because there are bound to be things that do.
Bottle some motivation, some focus, send it my way, anyone who can.

gah!

I want to write, I just want to write, that's all I can think about at the moment.
I just loaded the stories I have into some storage space, and they don't really make up that great a body of work, but I do like what I have there. I know there are things missing, it's just a matter of locating them and then storing them in a safe space I think. I don't even want to imagine all the things I have lost over the years.... none of it really matters though. The good ideas I had in the past will come back as better ideas and better stories, my last novel-in-a-month is evidence of that.
I'm going to the library this afternoon to get a stack of books to read, which, I shouldn't be doing, but I want to read and learn more about writing through reading other peoples stuff, I just want to be progressing in some way shape or form.
I'm really excited about it at the moment, right when I should be writing an assignment, one that I haven't thought nearly hard enough about to actually write, but its due in 5 days, it has to be done!
but I just want to write... I found this assignment I wrote last year, it was for my speech paper and its about 15minutes worth of a speech addressed to young adults to try and convince them to sign up with this company who are colonizing a new planet (the assignment topic was to write a speech which tried to encourage action or something, addressing a problem that humans may face in 20 years or so), there is so much in there! I wrote lots about the planet, I did world building, I wrote sci-fi, without even knowing that was what I was doing!
I almost feel bad now, because i tried writing cyber punk for my zing thing challenge the other month, thinking that I hadn't done anything sci-fi before... But i didn't know... and it was fictional but not meant to be fiction. Regardless I think it had potential for a story, and that excites me.
I found another short story which I am going to polish and submit somewhere, I've been challenged to do it by Friday next week, I accepted the challenge.
I have all these plans for all these stories... and I have to write an essay.

Well, I am going to go and read over the articles, and write an outline and see what I can do from there....

Someone said I should try and finish Dream Dark, Dream Deadly today and I really wish I could, I want to, I'm motivated.
I need to write this essay though.
Life's a bitch sometimes.

contact course

Well, it went well, even though I am still not feeling 100%, it was an awesome time to build on the friendships I have with Sarah and Sarah as well, I feel like I know a lot more about both of them now and it's really nice to know that I can enjoy their company not just for a couple hours but for a couple days without getting annoyed at them or anything! lol with having nothing but a good time with the two of them. I feel like that is a pretty cool thing. There are some people who I can't just spend solid time with and still feel great about them, some people are just small dose people and it's really nice to know that the Sarah's don't fit into that category (not that I thought they did, but you just never know).
So now I am home, and I am still kind of tired. And there is still a lot of work to catch up on, but some exciting things have happened.
Simon got a new job. Which is pretty cool, and will mean that for the most part he has weekends off, which I think is going to take some adjusting too but its pretty exciting in general. Our whole routine is going to change! lol I wonder if he'll get paid on a weekly basis or every fortnight?
Very exciting anyways.
I talked a lot about writing on the journey home, it was nice. Sarah paints, and I write and we were talking about creative processes and such, it was pretty cool, she wants to read my first nano, so I am going to print it off and take it around to our next study group, will be interesting to see what she says about it! lol more feedback, I guess feedback is always good and I think it will be the first novel I edit when I get into that next year so maybe it will help put me in the right frame of mind and give me even more ideas for what I am going to do with it.
It's so exciting, thinking about writing stuff, I just wish that I could do it all now instead of waiting until after I have finished my degree. But if I want to pass, I have to wait.

neato!

I started my essay... and I realized that it only needs to be 1200 words long. Thats not very many at all! I am not sure why but it seems so much shorter than 1500, and it's vastly shorter than 2000. So, I am 200 words in, and it's going pretty well and I am beginning to think that maybe, just maybe I can finish it off today, now that would be something.
I shouldn't have stopped to come and post here, I don't even know why I am except that more and more I am getting the inkling to write in this and so I am....
Maybe it's because the words flow pretty easily here, it's probably the next best thing to creative writing, and it's definitely a change from factual, referenced academic writing.

I should mention that it's one year ago on this date that Simon asked me to marry him. It's so crazy thinking that in less than six months we are actually going to be getting married! Crazy good, and a little scary, but in that wow I never thought this would happen kind of way. I think we're going out for dinner and maybe to catch a movie tonight which should be fun. I finished wrapping his present just before. I hope he likes it.

Ok, better get back into the essay lol I feel... gleeful!

and this...

I love this picture.

well

I didn't get a lot done! Been feeling like total crap lately, caught a very yucky sickness off my lovely fiance. It's ok though, I'm not holding it against him. Part of me thinks that the Gods of Students are punishing me for taking a day off and reading Harry Potter (Tuesday). I must have broken one of the ten commandments, one that goes something like: 'Thou shalt not ignore your studies for an entire day without guilt.' Well consider me punished.
Today, thankfully, my head is a little clearer, my voice is almost back to normal and I can think again, for the most part in logical blocks, Yay. This means that I have no excuse not to start writing my essay today, well actually I am sure I can come up with several but I shall ignore the state of the house, the piles of dishes on the bench and the loads of washing that really need doing and start this essay.
I guess one could say that even now I am procrastinating. I guess I am, I can live with that. I basically know what I am going to write but I don't know how to start it. This is one of the papers that doesn't have a webct page, which means that I can't see what questions other people are asking about how to do the assignment and learn from the responses that they get. I'm writing blind, writing assignments blind is not really that fun at all. Nevertheless, it's due on Friday, it needs to be in the post on Wednesday and I am away in Palmerston North on Monday/Tuesday. Which means that I really need to have the bulk of it done today so that I can tidy it up tomorrow night in Palmy and then have it in the post. Or maybe I could drop it in while I am down there lol.
I have another essay due in a week and a half, the gods only know how I am going to manage to get that one finished as well.
All this means that the chances of me finishing the story I wanted to finish during 'finishing month' have pretty much gone out the window. That makes me sad, and disappointed in myself. I really did want to finish it, I am just not managing my time very well lately it seems. Mind you there was the concussion, and the sickness... there are some valid reasons why I've not been my usual productive self. All the excuses/reasons in the world don't really change that the story is not finished, though I did manage to write a few hundred words on it! lol Which I guess is more work than it's had than in the last year and a half or so that it's been sitting around. One day Jeremy your story full will be told, one day.