Monday monday

I generally hate Mondays, today doesn't seem to be so bad just yet. In fact I'm feeling rather chipper!
Strange. But I like it. I just did a mad blitz of cleaning around the house with little one before she went to bed for her morning nap, so the place it looking almost acceptable. There are things lying around though and that always annoys me.
Like the old oven, which still hasn't been removed (thanks Dad), the 19inch monitor thats still sitting in the middle of the floor of the computer room (there is just no way to easily store something that size) and the racks of washing all over the house due to the fact that its still raining and our dryer doesn't work (So i guess that makes something else lying around thats annoying, silly dryer). Eventually it will all be gone, at least I keep telling myself that.

My novel is going very well. I'm really enjoying writing it and haven't hit any really big walls just yet, which I expected to, I certainly did with Nanowrimo. Fingers crossed that it won't get hard until after exams, and then I can still squeeze a few thousand words out between now and then.
I'm also actually feeling ok about exams, which is surprising too, but I'm just going to go with it. Why on earth would i want to change feeling ok about them? lol

I had stressed myself out by deciding that I wanted to do my Masters degree, so I undecided it, and we'll just see what happens. I was so stressed I couldn't study, because I knew I not only had to pass but I had to maintain a B/B+ average. Which isn't in itself really out of the question. But, I know I can pass, its just that extra bit on top of it made me incapable of studying, weird situation, so worried about not getting good grades that your incapable of doing the study you'd need to do to get them. Weird how the brain works sometimes.
At least now I have a plan, and I wonder whether I DO really want to do masters. It's a tricky situation, some days i really do, and some days i really just want to write. Obviously the Masters is the more guaranteed way to make a living, I can be a registered Psychologist and work in all kinds of places. But I think I'd rather write. We'll see. I'm leaving it all up the wind. If I'm meant to go through to Masters I will get there one way or another, and if I'm really not up for it, obviously my grades aren't going to be all that hot - either way I'll be doing the best I can with the time I have available (which isn't a lot some days but oh well).

I got some really good feedback from my brother of all people, about my writing. He hadn't even told me he'd read my Nano until the other night and he had some really good things to say about it! He's not the kind to give praise where its not due, so I feel I can take what he said as his honest opinion, and as he put it 'You are so much better than a lot of authors who get published. I mean there are some really bad writers around, and you're not one of them' Very encouraging from him! I think next year will be the year I work on submissions. I need to focus on study still this year, and once thats all done with I can focus on my writing some more.

Day Five

Of SoCNoC that is. And it's going well!
Despite the fact that I decided to not write until after exams yesterday, I managed to get about 4k out, which put me up to a grand total of 12k words. Most impressed with that! I'm 25% done and it feels fantastic. I am even contemplating getting it half done by the end of the week... we'll see how the study goes, but I have decided that I will break the time I have with Ivy at daycare into study and writing sessions, so at least I will be getting some of each done and won't feel like I'm being a naughty school girl or missing out on anything.

On other things. I finally decided on a wedding dress. Now all I have to to is wait another month or so to order it, and then thats all done with. Baked too cakes today and am just waiting for them to cool before i stack them together and plaster them with white chocolate icing. Yum, hopefully it all turns out ok.... haha, there are so many reasons why it might not though! I may end up just having to bite the bullet and pay to have one made if it all turns out too tricky, I just find it really hard justifying spending $300 odd dollars on a cake I probably won't even eat a lot of. Oh well! Weddings, you do all kinds of things you don't really think are necessary dont ya ;-)

My eyes they burn!

They do, its true, painful to even be looking at this silly screen but here I am.
Here I am, sitting in front of several open word documents trying to think of things to write.
SoCNoC started yesterday! And I managed to get just over 2k in on my first day, which I thought was quite good considering this nasty sickness is making it very hard to think (or look at my screen for long periods of time) this morning I have managed about 400 words, which isn't so brilliant, and I can only hope that somewhere, sometime, somehow soon my brains going to start working again. I tried chocolate, it didn't help.
So now I am attempting to make notes on reciprocation because I thought maybe that would be easier. After all, you barely have to think when you're making notes so it should work out a little easier - not the case.
Why is it that whenever Ivy is with my mum on a saturday morning I just can't do anything other than slack off? am I really that in need of slack off time? (High probability thats the case, but I choose to ignore that fact).
Rambling isn't going to help.
I think my main problem with my SoCNoC piece at the moment is that, this dragon showed up. Now, I have been aware of this dragon for a very long time, but just now he decided to put his tail into things and insist that he play a part in this new novel. Fair enough, he's been waiting for the right story and apparently here it is. Whats difficult is that I've prepped for a story that doesn't involve a dragon.... and basically, the story was going to take up my 50K words and it would be all good. I think now though, things have changed quite a lot, and the story will be a lot bigger than what i had initially imagined. And I almost can't be bothered writing the first half because I know what happens there, and I want to get into the stuff that I don't know so much about just yet.... It doesn't work like that though... I know... Ok. back to writing, for real.

Well

Maybe, eventually, I will become a regular blogger. But a lot of the time there doesn't seem like much to say - unless I was to rant about how much there is to do and how little time in which I have to do it. The stress of parenting, the stress of planning a wedding, and the stress of studying full time and trying to keep the house orderly as well.
June is almost upon us. And I am so excited because its time for SoCNoC! the first in what will hopefully become one of many. It's basically like Nanowrimo, but for the southern hemisphere. Fitting in with our current not so pleasant weather and middle of the year exams rather than end of the year ones which are often more heavy. I have lots of plans, and lots of hope for this novel - but I do have to get through my two exams first.
I can hardly believe that the first half of the uni year is almost done. It's also scary knowing that very soon I am going to have so many new assignments and papers to do that it's very possible I will lose my sanity by years end.
Oh well!
I decided just recently that I want to start my Masters next year. But that all relies on me maintaining a B/B+ average for the year.... which, is kind of a scary prospect seeing as there is such a huge volume of work for me to make my way through - of course I'd have to load my second semester so heavily right?? It was the only way in which I could finish my degree this year, which was a really big desire for me. Now I have to not only finish it, but I have to pass well enough to be accepted into the Masters programme.
Of course, typical me, I leave it until after I have done some half assed attempts at a couple assignments, meaning there is yet more pressure to perform on the upcoming exams than there was previously....
And there is the novel right. I should just say no, I'm not doing it!! But I simply can't.... I was involved in the set up, and I need to see this through. There is no way I will be doing a novel in November, so it's now or not this year at all.
I thrive on pressure. I love to overload myself, but that doesn't mean it's good for me.
Eventually, I am going to realise there is an easier way to get stuff done than all at the same time. Fingers crossed though, that I'll pull this year off and get the right results.

Warboy's Comic Challenge entry

Here is Warboy's entry for the Comic Challenge.
I love it!
I may be biased... or brainwashed, I think anyone who has known him for more than a year becomes brainwashed.

pink, and other things.

For some strange reason - completely unknown to myself I should add - I have this new ah, what shall we call it, appreciation, yeah, appreciation for the colour pink.
Pink has never been amongst my favourite colours, its never been something I wanted to associate myself with, in fact for most of my life I have gone to great lengths to stay as far away from pink as I possibly could.
So, why all of a sudden am I having this pink fetish? It's kind of scary, no, it's definitely scary but I'm not really sure what I should do about it.
My whole computer scheme is now pink, a dark pink mind you, with black undertones. Somewhat less than the standard girly pink, and certainly nothing like the pink that is one of three colours little girls clothes come in. *sighs* I think the prospect of getting married is making me into a 'real' girl, and I can't help but embrace it despite the fact that it goes against so much of who I thought I was. And no, just in case you were wondering, its just not just the pink thing thats making me ponder. It's the dress thing, and the music thing and this development of my inner girlyness, and other things that are hard to put a finger on exactly.
It is scary, but it could be good right? I like the idea that I'm allowing myself to go into this area of colour which before now I had put a mental block against. It's almost like I have finally said to myself - Look, you can be whoever you want to be, don't let the constructs that other people have placed on you tie you down to being the same person you always were. Now is your time to grow and develop and just be, well, whatever the hell you want to be, whoever you want to be.
I did a little writing over the weekend, nothing too taxing. A descriptive challenge someone put forward on the kiwiwriters website. Lots of fun actually and has given me a solid start to a new story idea I have, one in which I think I'm going to write from the male perspective which isn't something I tend to do.
Well, now that I think about it, the gender distribution of my main characters has probably been pretty even, but I definitely feel like I connect more with my female characters. I do like my male characters for the most part, but I guess I find it harder to put a little bit of myself into them.
We're doing a comic challenge this weekend coming so that will be interesting! I haven't drawn anything for a long time, and right now I feel hard pressed to come up with anything even mildly witty. I'll get there though ;-) Always have to give it a shot. I should also get to work on the station challenge as well, another one to tick off the list.
Am feeling more and more into my writing lately, I can't wait until next year when I will be finished study and can put heaps more time into it, then I can really see what I might be capable of. You never know til you try it right?

and time flies by

So quickly indeed.
This might have to be another new beginning I think!
This year is full on. I survived the christmas season, I passed all of my exams and I won NaNoWrimo, which led me to sign up at kiwiwriters.org It's a good site, with a lot of helpful people on it and I really hope that over time it will grow and grow.
Writing - as i have been told by many lecturers - is something that people do both alone and as part of a community, because if there was no one reading, commenting, encouraging or desiring to read then in some ways there is little point in writing in the first place.
I'm not entirely sure I agree with that, I'd like to think that I would still write even if no one had any desire to read my ramblings. In fact, a lot of my writing has never been read by anyone else and that never stopped me from writing it down so far.
I do however believe that being part of some kind of community can help you grow, exposure to different styles and ideas and techniques rarely hurts you, generally it seems to compel and often challenges you to grow as a writer - or whatever other endeavour your attempting.
So far its certainly been challenging me. When I think I can't be bothered to write anything a challenge will crop up and I'll say to myself 'Hey, now that could be fun, if nothing else lets do it for a laugh' and generally ideas just start to flow from there. It is a good thing indeed.

This year is the last of my degree - providing that I pass everything, and it will be the first year in a long time that I haven't taken any papers involving writing. In fact every paper I am taking this year is Psychology. I fear already that I won't get to read anything for pleasure - last year was bad enough and this year is more full on for sure. I got a couple books from a bookstore, promising myself that indeed, by the end of this university year they will have been read and I can only hope that I do manage to stick to my guns on that!
Reading helps my writing, and in some ways I feel almost like I am starving myself by not being able to find the time to read something for pleasure. Which would suggest I'd find the time to read more right? lol We'll see.
So, on top of the study I still have my dear little girl to look after. She's just turned two and is always happiest when she has my full attention - which makes doing anything else difficult at times. Shes happy to let me do my thing in ten minute brackets but anything longer than that and she starts to ask me all kinda of questions and tries to get me to play at any number of different games - very tempting at times.
This year hopefully I'll be able to find a better balance between study and non study time, and hopefully make more time for writing. NaNo really put the bug back in me and I have many ideas which are just waiting to pour forth.
The last big task of the year is to plan our wedding. The big things are out of the way but I think the smaller details are always the ones that seem most difficult to decide on and pin down with certainty. I'm so excited for the future. So many plans, so many hopes, and so many things on that good old to-do list.
Maybe one of these days I'll be brave enough to phsyically write it down, it would mean I'm more accountable for successes and failures. While they are just notching up in my head it's not so big of a deal if something passes by without being achieved.