November

Well, this is it, the last day of November, the last day of Nanowrimo. I think I should reach my half nano which is nice, though it has not been an easy month. This last week I have spent a lot of time lying on the floor or in bed due to my back playing up nastily, almost impossible to sit down and I have spent quite a bit of time staring at the ceiling thinking about some kind of contraption I could set my laptop up onto in order to write while lying on my back - I didn't come up with anything feasible! lol but if anyone has any suggestions then let me know, cause I am sure there will be a next time.
The niggles are still working their way out of my back now, and I really hope they disappear for tomorrow - I have to drive to Wellington, and I can't take my pain killers while I'm driving.
Feels so weird thinking that tomorrow my cousin is getting married. It makes my wedding feel a lot closer than it has until now. I just checked, 79 days!!!!!!!!! Time is just flying by, it's going to be 2008 before I know it.
I am thinking about signing up for Nanofimo which happens during December in order to get more of my novel completed, anything would help right, extra motivation seeing as December really is one busy month. But that said, I guess I am a little worried that I might fail that challenge too.
So, I'll sign up... lol can't let silly fears get in the way of my life anymore!

Decisions

So, I have decided to bow gracefully out of Nanowrimo. I would have to work myself pretty hard in order to finish at this point, and while some people have the strength and willpower to do that - I do not. What I do have the strength to say is that this wasn't a good writing month for me, or rather, this wasn't a good month for me to be attempting such a challenge.

I feel like I have now had enough of a breather from exams and the stress of this years study that I can let myself get back into those things which I love and so the aim now is to complete the smaller challenge of 25,000 words in November proposed over on the Kiwiwriters board for those who haven't had the time for the whole 50K. Seeing as that means only 7,000 more odd words then I should be fine! At least this month I will have succeeded at something writerly.

I have been thinking a lot this afternoon, about how hard it has been to motivate myself lately. I fell into this slump since exams have finished, this little world where you know you don't HAVE to do anything, there is nothing demanding your attention directly (other than small child, but I guess I am just so used to filling her needs and demands that it almost doesn't count). There are a lot of things I want to be doing, but just have not felt motivated enough to do.

I would have loved to have finished nano, I would have loved to have my garden totally in order, to have spent hours getting back into painting, to have done the massive house clean I have been dying to do, to read a few novels just for the hell of it, to get down to the beach more, to exercise more, to spend more time catching up with my friends, to have finalized the myriad things which need finalizing for the wedding... and so the list goes on. But what have I been doing? reading blogs, sitting around, watching day time TV, chilling out with my girl, playing games...

So I guess essentially I have been in 'recovery' mode, and thats ok, but it's time I moved on from there into some other kind of stage - unsure exactly what yet, but something that involves more productivity. I'm going to start giving myself smart, achievable lists of things that need doing in the week. Some of them will be a few hour jobs (finish weeding the garden), some of them will be longer term projects (collect shells at the beach for table decorations), and some of them will be attempts to set up habits (take the dog for a walk at least three times! Write for at least one hour a day).

We'll see how it goes. I have ticked two things off this weeks list already and am feeling better for it.

I'm an Aunty!

Little Jasper Kyle was born at 1015am this morning, everyone is healthy and happy though very tired seeing as labor started on Saturday!
So happy, can't wait until I can go and visit. Have been waiting very patiently for his arrival.
It's so exciting, and I am really looking forward to seeing what kind of father my little brother grows into. I know he's going to be a great one, but I also know that you really cannot have any idea how parenthood is going to affect you until it actually happens.
Welcome little one, I love you so much and I have not even laid eyes on you yet.

on not writing.

I haven't been, I think it's been two days since I wrote more than a sprinkling of words on my nano. My wrist is still quite achey and I have been giving it a break, this morning it feels a little better and I will give writing a go today.

it's wednesday right?

I keep losing days, its not much fun. Recently it's been to illness, and before that to beautiful weather - i mean, we are still having beautiful weather I have just managed to found enough restraint not to lose days to it.
The writing isn't going that well - numbers ways anyway. In all other aspects its going fantastically. I find I am still excited about my story, having just discovered how to push forward from where I am. I am about to unleash several new characters into the novel, and that is exciting stuff!! two in particular I am really thrilled about, they may be a bit cliche but they are going to be a lot of fun to write, and will likely cause quite a lot of havoc for my main players - everyone has their place though right, and there is certainly a place for these folk. It's really nice that several individuals from book one are returning this time around when I thought that they would not. There is one big issue that i really need to resolve soon, but that will come up, i just have to be patient and not feel guilty about having avoided it until now....
I managed to get to 17K today which I am happy with. My wrist is aching so I don't think I am going to push it too hard tonight, and hope that in the morning it feels less achey. I bet worries about carpal tunnel used to plague writers, but these days you can have operations, or use voice software I guess. Not that I am saying that I do have that, its just something I worry about with this ache. It hasn't really settled down since I sat all my exams and had to hand write a million essays, and doing all the bead work on some jewelry recently has certainly not helped the situation.
That said, I should stop typing and sleep.... I am sure that will do my wrist, and my brain some good. I hope I dream of my characters and my novel, that would be awesome.

Well

After the excitement of solving issues with my plot, I really didn't get around to writing much. I attained my first goal which was 10K the other night, and only just last night woke Ayden from her coma state.
It's nice to have her back, nice to slip into her skin again, and really nice to see the way in which her relationship with Falen is progressing - I mean, it's not progressing fast but they have this trust and respect, this bond which is hopefully going to be the basis of a beautiful thing regardless of whether they end up together or not (and I do hope that they do...). I am only at 13K words, and I had hoped to hit 20K by the end of the weekend, which only leaves me today. 7,000 words is theoretically totally manageable in one day, but we'll just have to wait and see if I can indeed pull it off.
Ivy has been a bit sick the last few days which has soaked up my time like a sponge, but Simon is off work today and hopefully he can distract her for a bit while I get some writing done, and then this afternoon we are all probably going down to the beach with the rest of the family, and maybe going for a ride in Dad's boat out to see the seal colony, Ivy will love that!
It has been a beautiful weekend weather ways, simply stunning. I am so looking forward to it getting even nicer.
Oh and now it's only two weeks til my cousins wedding! Which means it's just less than two weeks until Nano is done for the year!!! I need to get a haircut, find a dress, some shoes... a hat. I don't own a hat, or really any shoes which are acceptable for weddings lol or a dress I can wear! it I am really looking forward to the wedding, Catherine is going to look stunning, and I can't wait to see her on her big day. Of course, I'll have to take note of all the good ideas to borrow for my own wedding, she's already said she doesn't mind ;-)

Planner or Discoverer?

I read an interesting post in one of the forums on the nano site the other day, from a fantasy author answering questions that people put to him, and in amongst many other gems of information was the idea of planners and discoverers. I hadn't heard of this concept before, and I think it made me feel better about the way in which I write.
Basically there are the people who plan and plan and plan, know all the ins and outs of their story from the beginning who end up with a complete thing - consistent, organize, and not needing too much editing. And there are discoverers who have an idea and begin, they don't do a lot of planning but they just jump into the story, learning about the characters and the situation, the world it takes place in as they write - whew, there we go, thats me! lol while I try and do some planning, I find it a much more interesting process finding things out as I go along... its a joy discovering things about my characters, my world, my story as I go. I think for some reason it gives me the same kind of excitement that reading a book does - you are never quite sure what is going to happen around the corner, while you may know some of the things that are bound to happen in the wider scope. Discoverers he also mentioned tend to have to do more edits and rewrites, as the characters/story that they begun with can develop in ways different to how they may have initially been written at the beginning of the novel, I so hear that, lol I SO have to do that!!! It might be a long drawn out process, but atleast it's fun for me.
He mentioned that most people fall in between these two extremes, and thats bound to be true, there are as many ways to write a novel as there are people who write novels.
Also, I sent the first 10K to my reader in Wellington and he is loving it. 'I'm hooked, wheres my next 10K?' he asks... lol after the weekend, after the weekend.
I was meant to have a massive writing day today seeing as its normally the day which my little one is at childcare all day, but shes home sick with a vomiting bug - not a lot of fun for either of us, and not likely to be productive in many ways. I am still intent on getting to 20K by the end of the weekend, and then I am going to have to push on pretty hard in order to get to 50K by the end of the month. It can be done though, slow and steady... I know I can do it. Not at all worried about the story know as I know everything I need will be made clear in the process. Lovely to have faith in your characters like that.
Hope everyone elses writing is going well! Have been feeling absent from forums and boards lately, I think I'm still recovering from exams, attempting to renew and replenish myself. I am sure that soon I will feel like I have the energy to participate more widely once again.

holy cow!!

Plot problem SO resolved. Wow, I am just so excited!!! It's brilliant, I would never have seen it coming, and I hope that the few people who will read this in December won't have seen it coming either. wow.... I feel so relieved!!!!

OMG!!

Ok, I have finally been hit with a burst of excitement about my story, and it feels so great!
Yes, I know I should be writing that, but I just needed to make a couple notes before I carried on.
So far, my MC has been comatose, she was that way at the end of the last book, and she remains so now. Tonight she's going to be transformed, and shes going to come out of her coma and I get to find out what changes have occurred! thats going to be so exciting don't you think??? Full blooded dragon kin, woot, but what effect with the demons taint have had on her? will she be changed drastically, or remain mostly her old self? or something in between??
I find myself worrying about the small details. Do i even remember what colour her hair was? am i guessing? am i right? lol it's horrible, I should know those details yet they don't normally matter, except they might matter right now, this transformation may very well change her appearance slightly and so the past details are important....
Also, her father isn't dead!!! He was 'dead' for the whole of the first book, no one knows he's alive! I didn't even know, but now... now I do, and I think that he is going to be key in resolving my annoying plot problem. Don't you love it when characters show up that solve everything for you??
Ok, Off to write. Goal for today: Hit 10K and awaken Ayden through her transformation.
If I can pull this bit off, I can do anything.

endings and beginnings

So. Exams over. Degree potentially finished. Yay, right? You'd think so, but it just kind of feels a bit weird. I don't want to go jumping over any moons until I know my results, but at the same time it's amazing that I managed to survive this hellish semester. If in the event I do fail an exam I can take one leisurely paper next semester and all will be well.
On the other hand, I am meant to be launching myself into NaNo, and I am finding that quite hard at the moment. I really do want to write this story, I want to know what happens, I love my characters, and am excited by it. But I'm feeling flat as well, and like I have earned some kind of break, time off, a rest, and it means I am finding it quite hard to get full on into my writing - which is what I really need to do at this point if there is to be any hope of me crossing that 50K line by the time the end of November rolls around.
So, without further procrastinating, I shall go forth and write some utter crap in order to boost that flailing word count... wish me well.

finality

It's weird ya know. I mean, I have my last exam this morning, possibly really truly my LAST exam that will have anything at all to do with this particular degree. I hesitate to say my last ever because I know myself and am sure that at some point I'll continue to study and so therefore there will be other exams. But providing I pass all the ones I have already done this last week, and the one I am going to sit in a couple hours, I'm done. Degree complete.
How weird is that?? You work at something for so long (and I mean SO long considering the 1st eight papers were part time over several years, the second two full time, so maybe 5 years total?) and then all of a sudden you have reached the end.
Do I feel smarter? Do I feel like I have knowledge I could apply? Some of the time I don't think so, but then someone will come to me with a problem and I'll just say things, and they walk away feeling better for it, more able to deal with their situations with some good goals in place and having their load a little lighter. Which is really nice, but I think I used to do that before, I am pretty sure that was part of why I went down the psychology path - I guess more than anything it gives people better peace of mind knowing that I 'almost' have a degree in psychology?
Ah well, either way, hopefully after this morning my degree will be finished, though I won't know for sure until sometime in December. I'm not ready for this exam, but I don't know how to be ready for it, so we'll just have to hope that I know enough. I am not placing any bets on passing them all, I think there are one or two that could be a little touch and go, but then I always think that and we should know by now that its best just to NOT think until you have the results right there in front of you. At least this years hard work will be over with and I can kick back and get into my Nano once and for all.
Oh and my wedding dress arrived over the weekend, it's beautiful! needs a little adjustment, but it really is lovely. Very happy with it, and would have no qualms about ordering anything through them, not that I should need to. Always a little risk involved in ordering a dress through a trademe store, but their goods are pretty awesome so it's fine by me.

I should get back to studying... this exam is not going to get a pass by itself.

5k in

And feeling pretty good about the story now. I was so surprised that I managed to get there last night! 1155pm, lol tired this morning, but happy. I always find the beginnings hard, but now that I have cracked than and am into the story I feel so much better. I still don't know exactly whats going to happen which is cool, but I know more than I did yesterday. I even had the second MC puzzling out the plot problems I was having to see if he could think of a good reason, but it's still a mystery to him and to me - I am sure eventually we will crack the code!!

no go

So, I'm not going to reach 5K today, it's jsut not going to happen. I AM however going to try and hit 4k before i totally crash out tonight. Its been a long day, it has. One of my best mates had her 3rd baby boy today, so I spent about an hour up at the hospital with her and her little one tonight. Was very cool to catch up, and due to the time I mostly had them to myself which was nice. Did make me a bit clucky again tho! I can wait til after the wedding, I can, I mean there are only a couple months to go.
Starting to actually get into my story now, things are moving along a little better and I am having some fun with it finally! feels like it took a long time, even though word wise it didn't. Can only hope I get some more time tomorrow to do more catch up stuff, as I need to start getting into prep for my final exam - read: finish the last months course work so I actually have a clue!

I have been challenged!

I have.... lol and stupidly, I think I accepted it!!!
He said I was being lazy.... and that if I wrote 5k today he'd change his mind. SO... 5K. If I was at my writing peak, and could get through it uninterupted that would take like... *calculates*.. just under 2 hours. But, I am at the beginning of the story, and I have a small child and a fiance lurking around the house. So we'll see. This afternoon I am free, so I am going to try and get everything else that needs doing done this morning so that I can focus on that new goal.
He was right tho. I was being lazy. I mean, breaks are important, and I got a fantastic nights sleep, and I feel heaps better today, but I could easily have gotten through another K last night, so now, to repent lol.

wooohooo one to go!

I am feeling SO much better right now. The fourth exam was the best so far, even though i don't know how I will do on it. It was the one which applied the most knowledge rather than just requiring we reguritate the things we had read - which is so nice!!
I'm not doing any more study today, in fact I probably won't do any tomorrow either, which leaves four days in which to study like a mad girl, and thats plenty. I need a break, need to regenerate, get some energy back - to breathe!!! And to write.
The Gods know I am far enough behind on my word count... Tonight though, maybe, I can get some more in - I failed miserably at getting to 2k in the weekend, but I might give getting to 3K a shot tonight!

Sunday

My brain feels like it's recovering a little today. Which is a good thing. I managed to prep the first section of tuesdays exam last night and will work my way through the other two at some point today - or maybe tomorrow's exam, I'm not sure. There isn't really enough time to do everything I'd like to.
I should NOT have played WoW yesterday morning..... But I really just wanted to get my little shadow priest to 40, shadow form rocks! Now if I can get more study done, get my nano to 2,000 words (ish) and have a good time at both the birthday party this morning and the baby shower this afternoon all will be well. I'll definitely have had my quota of family time after this weekend though.
I guess it's just that time of the year. Christmas parties will start happening soon, the weather will get nice again (it's raining today, lovely), there will be BBQ's and picnics to go to, and lots of things happening around town. It is a good time of the year yes, but a little draining for me sometimes. I quite like to have a bit of space, a bit of peace and quiet and thats hard enough to come by in my own home with a small child let alone out in the world! lol.
I'm really keeping my fingers crossed that I am going to have the energy for Nano. At the moment it doesn't really feel like it.... this is the hardest I have studied possibly ever, and I really hope it pays off, but it does mean I am tired all the time, and whats worse I can't seem to stop waking up around 6am - whats with that???

2 down 3 to go!

And I even managed to start my nano last night.
Man. I feel SO much better after getting yesterdays exam out of the way. It wasn't easy, but I did it and I might even pass woohoo. I'm definitely satisfied that I did the best I could, that I put in a huge amount of effort in preparing for it and I couldn't have done a better job than I did - so even if I fail, I know I did the best I can, and thats an important thing.
It's a busy weekend this one, with 3 'functions' of sort across the two days - which doesn't really leave a lot of time for writing, or for study. So I have pretty much set my goal at reaching 2,000 words on my nano by the end of the weekend, which should have me feeling more in touch with the story again and have me back on track. At the moment it's a lot of waffling (which is a terrible thing to say seeing as it's less than 800 words at the moment) but I feel like it's mostly bits I will cut out anyways, but bits that are important for me so that I know where I'm going and I know I am on track - kind of like that those particular words are ones which really belong in the first book built solidly into the story line, shown not told, but haven't been so this is where they are going to live for now. Post it notes written into my story lol.
Anyways, by the time I logged off for the night I felt like I was beginning to get back into it, but realized that there was a lot of stuff that needs expanding on in the first book. I am writing the second as if I have already edited the first, which will make it a bit odd for those who will read both before either has had an edit but oh well!!! It's a process, and one which I am just going to run with for now.
I'm not getting excited about it just yet - it's too early to. I can't afford to until after my fourth exam, and even then I have to keep it in check so that I really get to work on finishing the course material for my 5th and final exam. I'm a month behind, mostly because I had assignments due every other day for the last official bit of the course and then I had to start organising for exams - I seriously don't recommend that ANYONE takes 5 papers in a semester, it's insane, you just don't want to do it, trust me.
Ok, I should go and start the day properly. Set up my exam prep for the day, wake my child, feed every creature in the house, begin.
Best of luck for everyones writing over the weekend!

tired

I am SO tired.
Yesterdays exam went ok, one of the essays was actually a bit hairier than I thought it was going to be but thats ok, it's done now. Todays exam... well, I am looking forward to it even less today than I was yesterday.
I got about 5 and a half hours sleep, my eyes are sore, my head is sore. And I still have a couple chapters to work my way through before I feel anywhere near ready for this exam!!! Fingers crossed everyone that enough information has stuck to make sitting the exam worthwhile.
Thanks for all the luck that has been sent my way, it is really really appreciated.

I think tonight I'll be getting an early night, not doing any study for the Monday/Tuesday exams and maybe doing a little bit of writing before I pass out.

one hour!!

I am SO excited!!
It's sick
It's twisted
I know this..
But I can't help it!
One hour til i sit my first exam!!!!

hand writing.

Mine is terrible, even under the best of circumstances. Right now, it's getting even worse.
I have spent the last couple days writing out screeds of notes for my exam tomorrow, and it only just hit me now that my hand is already beginning to hurt.
I'm not used to writing by hand, I'm used to typing. And my hand is complaining about just how much work I have been making it do. And I'm not done yet, there are many many more pages of notes to be written before I get into that exam tomorrow.
I could type them up, but there is something about this kind of information though that means it just doesn't stick unless i physically write it onto paper. Even then it'll be touch and go... we'll have to wait and see if it pays off.
People are finding it strange that I'm not prepping for todays exam... lol it's open book. Enough said.
Tomorrow is the exam to worry about. The one I got my worst assignment marks for, the one I can barely remember a thing about, the one which while so incredibly interesting just slips from my mind as soon as I close the book. It is genuinely interesting, the paper co-ordinator is passionate about the paper, he is brilliant and wonderful with replying to questions and ponderings no matter which aspect of the paper it is about. And I haven't utilised him nearly enough. I think if I had had no other papers to do, I'd be doing a lot better in this one, but I had 4 others this semester, and not nearly enough time.

I can't believe it's almost all done though, not long now, and I am done with this, for the year, fingers crossed it will be for several more years to come. Stunning.