Monday, June 02, 2008

Day One: Sucked

It did, I can't really say much else about it.
I managed a little over 800 words in the morning, had lots of fun in the chat room first thing in the morning waiting for other peoples midnights, and from there the day went to pot pretty much.
A friend visited with her two boys and the kids ran rampant through the house - I wish I hadn't vacuumed before hand cause I had to do it again after they'd left. Then Ivy and I visited my Nana and everyone else who was there. They proceeded to finish off highlighting a fact I was beginning to see the night before - that I simply don't fit into my family. My mother, my brother and I, we are the odd ones out - I mean, there are a couple other members of the family that simply don't fit, and we all seem to just suck it up and deal with it when we have to, for Nana, no other reason. We all love Nana. I am so sick of the negative comments, of the gossip, of these people who know me for an hour at a time once or twice a year who think they have any right to judge me and tell me what I'm doing wrong. I left feeling like the worst parent in the world, and I shouldn't - Ivy is a wonderful little girl, she is bright and engaging, intelligent and generally very well behaved. She was tired though and didn't want to listen when I was asking her to do some things, so yeah, obviously I am 'wrapped around her little finger' and 'not disciplining her enough'. I shouldn't let them get to me, I know I'm doing a good job.
I am my mothers daughter, I shouldn't expect them to get who I am as a person. And the pregnancy hormones are not helping me feel more emotionally stable about all this! lol
Needless to say, I didn't feel much like writing last night. And then hubby roped me into playing world of warcraft and we ended up in an instance til almost 11pm. I don't want to be up that late, and I certainly don't want to be playing games that late. I want to be writing, or in bed. I almost want to cancel my subscription, which is a pretty big thing for me to say as it's a game we generally play together as a couple and I'd be squashing that together time by cancelling. I love that we play together, but I think we're going to have to come to some kind of agreement about when I am going to play and when I'm not, because I hate feeling beholden to a game, like I HAVE to log in for such and such reason. I just want to boot up when I feel like it.
Yes, so that was the 1st.
Today we're cleaning the old house, finally, and it will probably be an all day job. I simply hope that I can summon the energy/enthusiasm to get back to writing tonight.

2 comments:

Kerryn Angell said...

{{hugs}}

At least you started! 800 words isn't anything to laugh at.

I hope Day 2 has gone better for you and you can forget about your extended family for another 6 months or so. lol.

Hope said...

Agreed with Kerryn Angell; 800 words is a start, and is impressive in its own right.

I hope Day 2 is better for you.

Extended family? I'm sure you're an excellent mother, despite their pessimism. Keep on smiling.